Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hi, I'm Pat.
Join me as I take you on a journey with my life and how I'm able to explore kinky sex in a christian environment.
Welcome back, all you beautiful people, to another episode of the Kinky Christian podcast.
This time we are going to be discussing community. And when I say community, I mean the kink community.
I mean, we'll talk about community in general, but we're going to focus on the kink community with me again, my good friend James, he's been so popular. Everyone loves saying, you know, he should be doing it on his own and I should just step aside. But that ain't happening. No.
So when we talk community, it's kind of like talking about the lifestyle. It's such a broad term community, but you really can see there is kind of a core community.
Yes. We have another guest, too.
This is our cat, Alice. She has decided she's going to be YouTube famous.
[00:01:24] Speaker B: She's tasting me.
I feel like a saltwick. Oh, we got some turkeys, too.
[00:01:30] Speaker A: And we got turkeys in the backyard.
So just a plethora of animals around.
So community, it's kind of a broad term, but yet really there is a kink community.
Oh, look.
And now we got Morpheus.
And the battle begins. It's like husband and wife.
Who's the Dom? Who's the sub here? That's what I want to know.
[00:02:05] Speaker B: Well, one stayed, one left.
[00:02:07] Speaker A: That tells you.
[00:02:10] Speaker B: So that's the Dom.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: So when we talk community, there is a sub community. I mean, there really is like a kink community that at its core kind of tries to be as supportive as possible to those that are in the lifestyle, in the community.
I know you and your wife, I don't know if they're huge, but you guys are kind of well connected in the community around us, in our area.
What difference has that made in the growth of your relationship and in your journey in the lifestyle? I mean, how important was that community to that?
[00:03:10] Speaker B: So very important because some of our very good friends are actually educators and educate at Kinky College quite often. And we had the fortune of being able to attend their munches and their trainings several times. And getting around other people that are living the lifestyle that you are living only reinforces it. And you see what they're doing. You don't only see the good things of what they're doing, you also see the bad. And so you can avoid a lot of the mistakes they're making that you see. It's very important. However, I have a huge caveat here. With the community. There are definitely predators in the community, as you said last time, anytime you're in the community, make sure that you know what's going on and you're assessing things correctly and trust your instincts. A lot of times you'll get in situations that your warning bells will go off, but you won't listen to them because you're assuming that this person has the same intention as you do. And that's not always the case.
[00:04:25] Speaker A: That is such a true story that actually happened in our life, in our marriage.
We'll talk about that in another episode. But that's so true.
Just because we're in the kink community doesn't mean people are different, right?
[00:04:50] Speaker B: You're going to find the same percentage of people that want to abuse as you do in regular society, and that's the issue.
[00:04:59] Speaker A: Now, you mentioned something that I have not talked about, and we have not talked about in any of the podcasts, and I'm going to ask you to kind of explain and elaborate a little bit so people understand. Those of you, I'm going to move my mic just a little bit. So those of you who aren't well versed in the lifestyle in the community, you mentioned munches.
Can you elaborate for people what is a munch?
[00:05:28] Speaker B: So a munch is just a get together of kinky people.
And it could be in someone's home, it can be in a restaurant. A lot of times they're in public places where you are expected to maintain decorum. And it's just a discussion and a place to meet other kinky people and socialize.
And so there's a variety of munches that go on.
Various people will set up munches based around gaming or based around liking to go to a certain pizza parlor or what have you, and you just go and you sit and talk, maybe play games and discuss kinky topics, and you get to be around people that are practicing the same lifestyle you are or a similar one.
[00:06:24] Speaker A: And that's kind of where I wanted. You hit the nail on the head there.
People do this because in the lifestyle, it's very difficult.
You can go out to a bar and meet someone and talk sports. You can go just about anywhere you want. If I was to meet you, if I just came into your barbershop, I could just start talking to you about football. And you're going to talk to me about it and not look at me differently.
Well, unless you're a Packers fan or whatever, but there's a certain.
What am I trying to say here? Help me out here, James.
When you're trying to talk about kink and bdsm, that's not something that I'm going to go to my barber or to my hairdresser.
[00:07:17] Speaker B: It's taboo.
[00:07:17] Speaker A: It's taboo. So the community sets up these munches specifically to give people in the kink community a place to go and be around like minded people and discuss the.
[00:07:32] Speaker B: Taboo topics, because otherwise there's no place to do it in all of society. That's crazy.
[00:07:38] Speaker A: And that is. That is nuts. It doesn't make sense to me.
Why is sex in general, but bdsm and power exchange and all that specifically, why is that such a taboo thing? Why, as a society do we shy away from discussing that instead of bringing it out and educating people on mean?
I think for of when we're kids. And the more our parents told, you know, James, don't do that. Don't do that, the more you're like, oh, I'm going to do mean, we do that as kids. And I think it carries into our adult life. And so when people are telling you, oh, don't do that, don't do that, now you go and explore it. And usually when you do, James, don't climb that tree like that. Usually you climb it wrong and you end up getting hurt. And it's not because of the tree. It's not because climbing trees is bad. It's not got nothing to do with any of that. It's because they didn't say, okay, James, if you're going to do that, let me show you the right way to do that.
And I think sex is the same thing. People say, oh, that's wrong, and don't do that. And they start putting all this stuff out there instead of saying, look, if you're going to do that, here's the proper way to do that so that way you don't get hurt. I believe people wouldn't be so predatorial about sex. I think there'd be a lot of things in society that would be different if we were more open and able to discuss the taboo subjects and not just sex. But there's other taboo subjects out there, I'm sure, but I know sex is probably the main one.
[00:09:23] Speaker B: Well, so sex is a need for everyone, that people need sex exactly in a frequency. So they need sex constantly, at regular intervals, their whole life. And we hide it. And it's going back to the puritanical influence coming over from Europe, coming into the United States or America, and that's still persisting now. So don't talk about that.
It wasn't until very recent history that we started teaching sex in school. I mean, that's insane. Girls are being preyed upon at very young ages and we don't want them to have any information about it.
[00:10:14] Speaker A: Yeah, it's crazy.
It drives me nuts. And that's one of the things that I love about the kink community. You mentioned Kinky college.
So for those of you who don't know, Kinky college is one of the. If you want to get into the kink community and you really want to learn and understand what's going on, I cannot recommend Kinky college enough.
So Kinky college. Well, I'm going to let you explain it. I've only been to one time and it changed my. We're going back again and again and again. Because the beauty of it is it's not the same every time you go. So you want to explain to these lovely people what is Kinky college?
[00:11:06] Speaker B: Kinky College is a conference for kingsters. And they meet in Rosemont typically. And you'll have, I don't know the exact attendance, but it's in the hundreds of people, of people all gathered together for the same reason with tons of classes all day long.
So you can attend classes all day long. Just pure informational classes taught by experts in their field. So you'll have an expert. This last year we went to a whip expert. We've gone to several relationship experts.
And then after all that clears out at night, then the whole place opens up into a big dungeon with all the equipment and everything you could ask for.
[00:12:04] Speaker A: Okay, now, just so you know, for those of you who are thinking, ooh, dungeon, it's not that kind of dungeon.
We're not out there larping and role playing and everyone dressed as knights and there's a brick castle with fire on the wall. It's not that.
It's a play dungeon. And when we say play, that's a term that is used in the community for playing.
[00:12:33] Speaker B: It's synonymous with play space. It's play space dungeon set up with the intention of flogging and fire. Whipping benches. Yes.
[00:12:45] Speaker A: Shabari various.
So it's really like you said, all day long. I think the classes start at like nine or ten in the morning or.
[00:12:55] Speaker B: Something like that, early. And then they go, they go to like six.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: Yeah, six at night. So you got like seven or 8 hours for three days. Because there's classes on Friday and Saturday and then Sunday that you just get educated. And that's what this community does. The community comes together. And what's sad, I know I'm jumping around. I got so much running through my head. What's sad is when you said, it sounds weird. There's hundreds of people that go there. Hundreds.
But what's that tell you? Because you go to a comic book convention and there's thousands of know, you go to San Diego. San Diego comic Con is the big one. And it's just hundreds of thousands of people will go to learn about the newest movie coming out or to see what's happening in the Marvel universe. But only hundreds of people are turning out to learn about sex at this place. Like you said, they're experts.
These people are experts in their field. So when you learned about whipping, it wasn't just someone out there that just grabbed a whip and said, well, let me show you how to do this, cowboy.
[00:14:21] Speaker B: Right?
[00:14:22] Speaker A: This was someone who, it's a passion for them.
[00:14:25] Speaker B: They've been doing it for decades.
[00:14:27] Speaker A: Decades.
[00:14:27] Speaker B: And, yeah, bought specialty whips and everything.
Yes.
[00:14:36] Speaker A: One of the classes we went to there was on electric stimulation play, and the instructor in this class had researched so much, he could tell how much voltage a body could take. He wasn't a doctor or anything, but he had researched and researched and researched and learned and learned and learned and could tell you how much voltage the body could take from point to point. So these people are smart.
They're far smarter than we are in their fields.
And that's what the community does, is it holds these events. So if you can go to kinky college at any time, I highly recommend that you go.
You're going to come out of there. If you only go to one class, you're going to come out of there ten times smarter than when you went in.
[00:15:35] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:15:36] Speaker A: So go.
One other thing I really love about the community, and it's something that me and my wife are looking for, is they really, for the most part, believe in mentorship.
[00:15:57] Speaker B: Right.
[00:15:59] Speaker A: I know you and your wife have mentors, and that helped you along.
That's just so important, is having good mentors.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: Absolutely. 100%.
[00:16:12] Speaker A: What kind of a difference, yes, you had the community around you and friends, but what difference did the mentors themselves make that you didn't get from everything else?
[00:16:26] Speaker B: When you just interacting in the community, you don't get to see the minutiae of life. How does this work when you get home?
How do you incorporate this when you go out and about, like when you're going to the grocery store, how is the dynamic or the lifestyle? How is it present? There she is.
[00:16:47] Speaker A: Not going to leave, is she?
[00:16:48] Speaker B: No, she won that battle right there.
[00:16:51] Speaker A: I concede.
[00:16:53] Speaker B: So anyways, you don't get the nuts and bolts of it. You get the broad spectrum. You'll get the play space, which is all great, but that's a portion of the lifestyle.
The bigger thing is the day to day. To us, obviously, living a 24/7 dynamic, there's a whole lot of day left after you leave the bedroom. So you have to figure out how you're going to live life all the rest of the time. So that's kind of what they helped with. Like, hey, a common misconception when you talk about anybody that would say they live the lifestyle would be that their life is very different from yours. And in my experience, everyone that I've ever met is they're just normal people. They live normal lives.
[00:17:48] Speaker A: Get up and go to work, right.
[00:17:50] Speaker B: They're working beside you every day, all day long, and you just don't know it. They're normal people.
In getting out in the community, you.
[00:17:59] Speaker A: Begin to realize that, well, and that's kind of, I guess one of the beauties of the whole thing is it's not like we're a bunch of freaks out there that just run around in leather outfits with ball gags. Twenty four seven.
[00:18:16] Speaker B: Because they don't let us.
[00:18:18] Speaker A: Well, it's frowned upon in this establishment. Right.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: Sir, can you get the ball gag out of your mouth? I'm trying to ring you up.
I want some pizza, please.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: But like you said, it's just normal people. I mean, chances are you guys who are watching this, you probably know at least one person that is in the lifestyle in some way, shape or form, but they're not going to say anything. No.
Now, depending on how long you've been in, how committed you are and what kind of relationship you have or lifestyle you have, you can start picking up on things.
For instance, some people see this as just a bracelet.
There are people that are in the lifestyle that have noticed. They're like, is that a dom bracelet?
Collars. Some people see it and, oh, that's a neat little choker. Some people go, she's his slave.
So there are some telltale signs, but they're discreet. They're not something that you're not going to see Master James walking around with a whip, beating his wife at the grocery store because no consent from people around you.
[00:19:57] Speaker B: And if you do, don't call anybody.
[00:19:59] Speaker A: Don't call anyone.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: It's fine. She's consenting.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: She said, okay, as long as he doesn't break the watermelons. Don't worry about it.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: Talk about my wife like that.
[00:20:11] Speaker A: I would never talk about your wife's melons.
[00:20:14] Speaker B: Whoa.
[00:20:19] Speaker A: I'm sorry.
She knows I'm talking about.
So, yeah, we're just normal people.
[00:20:29] Speaker B: Normal people.
[00:20:30] Speaker A: And having a mentor helps you define that normalcy.
When you're new and you don't understand the process yourself fully, when you don't.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: Feel normal, you're going to feel abnormal because everybody else is doing it this way and you're like, that doesn't feel right to me.
I am wrong. Different than everybody else, right. You feel wrong and that's not the case.
Again, there's stigma about this, but there's also a lot of shame and there shouldn't be. Yeah, it's sad. That's where we are in society, but it's not a you problem, it's a society problem. And unfortunately, society doesn't see it that way.
[00:21:17] Speaker A: Now, on the flip side, we're not telling everyone to run out and strip naked and say, I'm in the lifestyle and we are very respectful of other people. That's one of the things that we preach a lot, is respect for others.
And we are not going to shame anyone for any choice they make. There are people in the community that will.
There are whole subcultures within the community that they're like, this is the right way, the only way.
But it's like that everywhere in life.
I want you to understand that the community is important. The community helps far more than not having it.
But I don't want you to think that the community is this magical thing that you're going to join and you're going to be in some sort know wonderland of Oz where everyone loves everyone and everyone's know, it's all rainbows and unicorns. Because again, as James has mentioned numerous times, we're all just people.
We're broken people. There's not a person in this world who isn't broken in some way, shape or form, right? There's not a person in this world who is flawless.
So understand that as important as this community is, and as much as it's going to help you to have mentors, and I highly suggest if you can find a mentor, but get hooked up in this community, just don't think that you're going to come in and your life is going to miraculously change.
I want to share something. There was a story that was shared with me about someone who said, and this breaks my heart when I think about it. He told me that if his job, found out that he was doing what he's doing in his own personal sexual lifestyle, he would be fired. He would lose his job because of the personal choices he's making.
Has nothing to do with his job at all.
But if they found out.
I'll share. What? He's a school bus driver.
If they found out that he was in the keink community, they automatically equate that to sexual predator.
And now you're just some pervert. And he would lose his job as a school bus driver.
[00:24:16] Speaker B: Well, it's because it's labeled as deviants. Yeah, it's a deviant behavior because it deviates from the norm.
Exactly. And again, that's because of definition. The definition of the word deviant is imprecise. So deviant just means different in that context.
[00:24:35] Speaker A: And that's all it means. Different.
Anyway.
The community is super important. The community, it's small.
When you stop and think about it.
I'm sure the community only represents a portion of the people out there that are living the lifestyle.
[00:24:55] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:24:57] Speaker A: I'm 100% sure there's far more people that don't know about munches, don't know how to find a munch, don't know how to get hooked up.
But the community is there.
It's not a magical place, but it does help.
So to sum it all up, again, if you can find a way to get involved in the community, and the community needs you. The community needs all of us.
[00:25:28] Speaker B: It needs to grow.
[00:25:29] Speaker A: It needs to grow, and it needs to come out of the shadows and say, look, people, we're not evil. We're not evil at all. There's a lot of christians.
We love God, but we also love sex. There's a lot of it. So we need to come together. We need to grow the community, and we need to bring it into the public eye in a way that's respectful to everybody and not in a 50 shades of gray kind of way. Right.
So if you need help with that, we can do what we can to try to hook you up with things in your area.
But there's tons of website. Do your research, man. Go on the Internet. Be careful. There's predators out there.
But research, research, research.
And if you have any questions or comments, hit us up at thekinkyChristianpodcast at gmail, and we'll do our best to answer it.
But until then, everyone stay safe, take care of each other, and God bless.
