[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hi, I'm Pat.
Join me as I take you on a journey with my life and how I'm able to explore kinky sex in a christian environment.
Welcome back, all you beautiful people, to another episode of the Kinky Christian podcast.
This is going to be a good one. I've got with me again, you loved them last time, so we brought them back.
I've got James, and this episode we're going to dig into.
I hate kind of using this word, but it's what it's called. It's called the lifestyle.
And, James, when I say, or when someone comes to you and says I'm in the lifestyle, what does that actually mean? What's the lifestyle?
What does it encompass?
[00:01:08] Speaker B: To me, that's just them saying that they practice something different than the mainstream.
[00:01:15] Speaker A: Something out of the norm, right?
[00:01:17] Speaker B: And it could be anything, but they've found a different way to view sex in their life, so they incorporate that into their lifestyle, and it could be, again, it could be a person's lifestyle is independent of them.
I don't have to live your lifestyle, you don't have to live my lifestyle, but we can all live the lifestyle, right?
[00:01:46] Speaker A: What I'm hearing, he's kind of saying exactly what I'm thinking. The lifestyle can be anything. I mean, it's just a way of saying, look, we do things a little different than mainstream. So the lifestyle can be anything from just occasionally going out and once a year having a little whipping session or dressing up to have a little play party where she's wearing the schoolgirl outfit and you're the classroom teacher to kind of what we do, where it's a 24/7 master slave dom sub lifestyle where it incorporates into every part of our lives. So you got this big, broad thing called the lifestyle, and you got to kind of look at it as, like a bowl of nuts. Almost exactly.
[00:02:49] Speaker B: It's exactly like a giant, giant bowl full of nuts.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: In more ways than once sometimes.
But when you get, like, a thing of mixed nuts, you can have everything to what people consider the plain little peanut.
[00:03:06] Speaker B: It's really riding the nut metaphor.
[00:03:08] Speaker A: Got to love the nuts.
I was born with them, man.
So you can have the peanut, which is like the general, but then you get the almonds and the cashews and all these different things, and each one has its own flavor and its own style and different people. Like, I don't like the pecans, but I like the walnuts, and I don't like the pistachios, but. Oh, I dig whatever. So the lifestyle is just like this big giant bowl of nuts.
[00:03:41] Speaker B: And I think maybe trying to define it is what's actually dividing us is the problem. Defining that is the problem, essentially.
[00:03:51] Speaker A: So maybe we shouldn't be trying to define it.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: Maybe we should just be accepting of it.
[00:03:58] Speaker A: Maybe.
I'm going to go off a little bit, but that's kind of the problem with society in general. Absolutely. When you look at society, people in the lifestyle are just people.
There's nothing different about us. I mean, I take a shower once a year, just like James.
[00:04:22] Speaker B: I knew I was forgetting something.
[00:04:24] Speaker A: Well, it's not that time yet.
[00:04:26] Speaker B: I missed last year.
[00:04:27] Speaker A: Oh, it is that time.
But we do things normal just like everyone else. No, just so it's people.
And just like in society, people can be judgmental, they can be hypocritical, they can be mean and bullies. Same thing happens in here.
There's definitely two types of people in this world that I have seen. You got those that respect others and care about others and care about, I don't want to say so much rules, but like a structure and just having things in place. And then there are those who just kind of just say, to hell with everything.
I don't care that I stole your bike. I wanted it, I took it.
I don't care that you said your safe word. You're going to get beat.
And I've seen it. I've seen both sides. So, I mean, it's the same thing. People are people and they're going to be people. So the more we label each other, I think you're right, the more you try to label it and define something instead of just saying, oh, that's who you are. Well, great. That's not who I am, but that's who you are. I think the more we can do that, the better off we are.
Not just absolutely in the kink community and lifestyle, but in life in general.
[00:06:12] Speaker B: Having been in the community, even within the community, there's people that will look down or shun a person for their chosen lifestyle just because it's different than theirs. The issue is everyone has a lifestyle. Everyone.
Just because their lifestyle is not yours doesn't give you any leg up on them or any advantage over them. They just are choosing to live a different way than you are.
[00:06:40] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:06:40] Speaker B: There's nothing wrong with that.
[00:06:41] Speaker A: Exactly.
With the caveat that they're not harming somebody who does not consent to be harmed.
[00:06:51] Speaker B: Correct.
You're back to consent again. Right.
[00:06:55] Speaker A: As long as it's a consensual thing.
Hey, more power to you.
That's what God wanted us to do. He gave us sex for a reason.
He gave us life in abundance. So as long as you're not hurting someone, go for it. And I'm glad you brought up the whole some people try to shame others.
As a Christian and also in the kink community, I don't know if you've experienced this, but it's kind of a double whammy on some times because if I share my kink lifestyle with my christian friends, they like to oh, that's wrong. That's a sin. That's not how God intended it. Where you can find nothing in the Bible that says it's wrong.
But then you go to the kink community and they find out you're a Christian and they kind of shy away from you because they think, oh, they're going to judge me. So now, because they think I'm going to judge them or be some super Christian on them, they start judging me and separate themselves from me as a Christian. When I'm like, hey, that's not why.
That's not me at all. Jesus was about love, where to love others.
So as a kinky Christian, you get it from both sides.
And that's a line that's very hard to walk, which is why we're doing this podcast, not just to educate you on kink and BDsm and power exchange relationships and that kind of stuff, but to educate you on what God says about sex.
So I'm kind of a good lead in power exchange relationships.
Huge part of the community, at least from what I've seen, is power exchange.
There's a million different kinds of power exchange relationships, everything from leather to the master, slave to bedroom, dom sub to temporary ones, just to do a scene. I've seen people, that's a power exchange. When you do a scene with somebody, as James mentioned in a previous episode, you're exchanging this power, this energy that flows, and that's kind of the whole point of the power exchange relationship. It's just what level do you take it to?
So power exchange relationships are a huge part of the community.
I choose, me and my wife, we choose to live as Master Slave 24/7 it's not for everybody. Definitely not for everybody.
It's a very difficult thing. And to do that as a christian couple, at first I was a little leery of it because you hear the word master and then you hear slave and your mind automatically jumps to slavery. And it's not like that at all. It has nothing to do with american slavery. Or anything like that. When you look at how a master slave, and you can develop it however you want, but when you look at how it develops, it's a submission. It's a 24/7 submission of one to the other. And in the Bible, God tells the wives to submit to their husbands. I mean, it really parallels exactly what the Bible wants us to do.
As a master yourself, you have no control over your slave other than the control that she allows you to have over her.
[00:11:05] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:11:07] Speaker A: So I think that's huge for people to understand. When differentiating master slave and the community, the kink community, as opposed to slavery, those master slaves, it was just pain and driven, and they controlled them and made them do what they didn't want to do.
Whereas in BDSM and in the lifestyle, the only control a master has is what's given to him.
[00:11:38] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:11:39] Speaker A: So little education for you guys. You will hear the terms master enslave.
It's not what you think it is. It's not in any way, shape, or form an unconsensual domination of another person.
[00:12:00] Speaker B: So it goes back to what you've been drilling from the beginning, is consent. The issue with slavery. American slavery. And not only american slavery, everyone practiced slavery back then, right?
The problem with that was they removed the slave's consent.
They weren't choosing to be a slave.
[00:12:21] Speaker A: Right.
[00:12:21] Speaker B: Now, if you just switched that and if someone was so desperate and broke that the only thing they could do is go work for someone. Rich servant. Yes.
They choose, like, hey, can I work for you? In exchange for room and board and food. That's not a slave. That is someone who servant.
Well, I would say it's a symbiotic relationship. The person needs money and food and shelter, and this person has it. So, hey, I will trade my labor for that. That, to me, is not slavery at all. It's just work.
[00:13:00] Speaker A: It's work. Exactly what it is. It's called a job.
[00:13:04] Speaker B: What I do when I go to work.
[00:13:06] Speaker A: Exactly.
So, and I think I'm gonna say it's probably true for most in our type of relationships. That, and I know I've talked to you about this before.
When you have a power exchange relationship, especially when you're master slave, twenty four seven, the bonds that develop are so deep, so intimate. I mean, just kind of give you guys an example. When me and my wife had our collaring ceremony, a collar is what you wear as a. To show, like, it's kind of like a wedding ring for a power exchange relationship.
That collaring ceremony meant more and the collar itself meant more to my wife than the wedding ring I put on her finger 30 years ago.
This was truly when you get married, you promise to love and cherish and obey and all the good things until death do you apart. But when you collar somebody that takes things to a whole different level, that is like full submission of not just body but soul, and you merge. You really merge.
[00:14:44] Speaker B: Well, that's the thing about it's a different level of commitment.
You go and you commit yourself to marriage. That's one level. But when you as a submissive choose to relinquish your say to another person, that's a much higher level of a commitment. And as you operate in that new higher level of commitment, the bonds that you have between you and another person, and it could be any other person. But anytime you're practicing that relinquishing of say, it's going to lead to a deeper level of trust and commitment.
[00:15:28] Speaker A: Trust.
Trust is huge because think about it, when you get married, yeah, you trust your spouse, but when you enter into that kind of a commitment, that's trust, man. Because I trust you. But I don't know if I trust you like that.
That's huge, obviously. So I think you hit the nail right there. Trust. The level of trust that goes into that commitment which then develops such a level of intimacy.
[00:16:06] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:16:07] Speaker A: That it's just unbelievable.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: That's the thing. Trust and intimacy, they always go hand in hand. If you're having an issue with intimacy, it's probably an issue with trust.
[00:16:20] Speaker A: And if you have a trust issue, there's going to be no intimacy.
[00:16:24] Speaker B: Typically, that's what I've found.
[00:16:25] Speaker A: Yeah, well, and there's a difference between intimacy and just sex. I mean, you can have sex without trust, but that intimacy, there's got to be that level there to do it. So I know we're kind of deviating a little bit, but we just want to share with you that the lifestyle is so much. It's everything. It's everything.
And it can be as open as you want it to be. It can be as closed as you want it to be. It can be as big and extravagant as you want it to be or it can be just this tiny little thing you do once a year. I mean, the lifestyle itself is just really, to me without definition.
[00:17:10] Speaker B: Right. And you hit the nail on the head. It is without definition because every person gets to define it for themselves. That's the beauty of the lifestyle. You get to say what it is and that's an awesome power.
[00:17:25] Speaker A: It is. And nobody can tell you you're wrong, right? Because if it's right for you, that's what you got to worry about.
[00:17:36] Speaker B: Well, wait, no. Someone can tell you you're wrong. Your partner can definitely tell you you're wrong.
[00:17:41] Speaker A: And, oh, trust me, she'll probably watch this and tell you you've been wrong quite a few times.
[00:17:45] Speaker B: I'm so used to that. Happens all the time, every day.
[00:17:49] Speaker A: Yeah, some master we are, right.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: Master of getting things wrong.
[00:17:55] Speaker A: Hey, if you're going to be good at something, I mean, you might as well be the master, right?
[00:17:59] Speaker B: I try to be perfect. If getting things wrong, I try to be perfect.
[00:18:02] Speaker A: So you are the master at imperfection.
[00:18:05] Speaker B: There you go.
[00:18:07] Speaker A: All right, guys, so to kind of sum things up, the lifestyle is what you make it for yourself.
And don't let people try to pigeonholed you into something that you don't want or you don't agree with. And don't let them shame you because you see things a little different than they do.
It's all individual, and as long as it's consensual, that's the key.
We've talked about the three pillars, but of them, three pillars, consent. Consent. That's it. If someone came to us, I think we would both agree. If someone came to us and said, what's the most important thing about any part of this? Consent?
[00:18:54] Speaker B: You have to have that first.
[00:18:55] Speaker A: Got to have that first before it goes anywhere. So with that, we're going to kind of end this one.
You guys go out and figure out your lifestyle for yourself again. If you have any questions, comments, you want to tell James how wrong he is, feel free. I will pass that word right on.
[00:19:17] Speaker B: To get in line after my wife, though.
[00:19:19] Speaker A: Oh, that's a long line right there. She's taking all the numbers in that rolodex there.
[00:19:25] Speaker B: She's so smart.
[00:19:26] Speaker A: Well, she married you, right?
[00:19:29] Speaker B: The best decision she ever made.
[00:19:31] Speaker A: Exactly.
So any questions or comments, guys, suggestions for future podcasts, hit us up. Thekinkychristianpodcast.com or not. What am I saying? We should get a.com, though, shouldn't we? We ought to get the kinkychristianpodcast.com anyway.
[email protected] so let us know what you think. Until next time, stay safe, take care of each other, and God bless.
