Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hi, I'm Pat.
Join me as I take you on a journey with my life and how I'm able to explore kinky sex in a christian environment.
All right. Welcome back, all you beautiful people. Today is a special day. I don't know if you remember, but at the beginning, I promised I was going to try to get some special guests on here, people who knew more than I did, which is easy to do.
I finally did it. I found a sucker to come on here and talk with me. So, with no further ado, let me introduce you to my friend and barber, James Yates.
[00:00:52] Speaker B: Hi, I'm James. I've been practicing the lifestyle for quite a few years.
It's something that my wife and I have decided is very necessary in our lives. So we have adapted it and tried to integrate everything into our lifestyle so that it's not a partition thing.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: So, James, tell me. I know we've spoken a little bit in the past about it, but what was it about this that actually got you into the lifestyle? What actually said, hey, we want to try this? Was it you? Was it your wife? Was it just a feeling you had? I mean, what was the driving force behind that?
[00:01:38] Speaker B: So, obviously, there was a huge growth around the 50 shades book. And so I suppose that started a lot of people researching and delving into their own feelings and figuring out what they wanted in their life, because I think prior to that, prior to it becoming a media sensation, it was always in the closet and nobody ever talked about it. And still, in this society, in american society right now, sex is just not something we ever talk about.
[00:02:14] Speaker A: It's kind of very much a taboo thing, especially being christian. Sure. Being Christian, there's, like, this stigma around sex that if you don't do it missionary position and the right way at the right time and for procreation only, then you kind of get a little shamed about it.
I know for me, I always kind of hid my sexuality. I didn't throw it out there. But it's funny you mentioned 50 shades, because for being one of, in my opinion, and I'm not trying to down the movie. So anyone of you who loves 50 shades, hey, great. But 50 shades, in my opinion, is one of the worst representations of what I have discovered the lifestyle to be. However, I got to give it props because it brought it into the mainstream in a way that I don't think anything else could have.
[00:03:10] Speaker B: Yes, it got people thinking.
[00:03:13] Speaker A: It got them thinking, yeah, I think it's funny you mentioned that, because I think that's actually one of the things that prompted me and my wife to start exploring this too. So it's just funny.
Anyway, so we know a little bit about James, actually. I kind of conned him in, and he knows this now. I sprung it on him. He's going to be doing quite a few episodes with me. I'm working on getting him to be the permanent co host, but we'll see how that goes.
We'll see.
In this episode, we are going to be talking about scenes and what a scene really is.
I would say what it isn't, but in reality, a scene can be anything you want it to.
Um, I'm going to kind of bring it over to you, James. I've talked a little bit in past episodes about scenes. Not much, but what is for you, what is a typical scene?
[00:04:22] Speaker B: I guess to me, there is no typical scene.
The thing I enjoy most about scenes is building them. So you can build a scene in any direction with any types of things included, any length of time.
You're just wide open with a scene, what you can do.
But typically it will start out with a lighter sensation, maybe even an enjoyable sensation like a tickling or a light Wartenberg wheel.
And then as I go along, the intensity will increase and increase. And throughout it, though, the most important thing about a scene is checking in with who you're having the scene with, because it's very easy to get in a scene and all of that energy gets flowing.
[00:05:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Adrenaline is pulling. Right?
[00:05:19] Speaker B: And so you stop thinking and you're just visceral in the moment. And then all of a sudden, you haven't checked in with your partner for minutes, and it's not been enjoyable for minutes. So the biggest thing about a scene is checking in with your partner, maintaining that Communication, perhaps even developing nonverbal communications, ways that they can communicate with you without stopping the scene to let you know what's going on.
[00:05:49] Speaker A: And that is so true.
For me, anyway. It's three pillars of not just the scenes, but there's kind of three pillars in the lifestyle. And I kind of call it the three c's. You got to have consent, you got to have communication, and you got to have connection.
And especially in a scene, when you start a scene, like I said, consent is there. You got to have the consent of both partners. Now, you, as myself, are a dom, and so we have our wives as our subs.
A lot of people get confused on this because they assume that Dom means in control.
And that's not necessarily the case because the sub has the control to stop the scene at any time with the safe word, with anything, they can stop the scene.
The Dom doesn't so much as control the scene, but as monitors the scene.
[00:06:49] Speaker B: I would say facilitates.
[00:06:50] Speaker A: Facilitates.
[00:06:51] Speaker B: The Dom is the facilitator of the scene. Whereas, yes, all control is funneling through the sub. Right. Another thing I wanted to mention is aftercare.
That is one of the most commonly missed parts of any scene.
[00:07:08] Speaker A: Anything.
[00:07:09] Speaker B: Yeah, and it's probably the most important part.
[00:07:13] Speaker A: And it's funny you mentioned that, because there's going to be an episode about that. So keep all that in your mind.
Now, some of the things that when I talk and I think of scenes, not all scenes are sexual.
Some are just sensual.
And correct me if I'm wrong, because like I said, you've got far more experience in this than I do.
You can have bedroom scenes where it's mostly flogging and spanking and sex. You can have public scenes with a caveat. You got to be careful when you're doing a public scene, people, because public play is fun. We've done it. But you got to remember the three c's. The first and most important one is consent.
[00:08:08] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: When you're in public, you don't have the consent of those around you.
[00:08:13] Speaker B: They don't have the choice.
[00:08:14] Speaker A: They don't have a choice. And so you need to be extremely mindful of that when you're doing a public scene.
But a scene can just be sex. There doesn't have to be any bdsm. It could be a little bit of sex and just some funky positions. As long as the three c's are there. As long as you got your three pillars in place and everyone's enjoying it. To me, that's kind of a scene.
That's my philosophy. But I know some people don't feel that way.
The Internet has brought about virtual scenes.
You can now get on the computer and have cybersecs with anyone you want.
The principles are the same. You got to have the consent and everything. But it's a whole different level of play, because now you're talking to a computer screen and having to do everything yourself, whereas in a person to person scene, it's physical and it's someone else doing something to you.
There are some more questions I was going to ask you, and I got rambling, and that always is a bad thing for me.
In a theme, we're talking about the safe words.
And you mentioned that sometimes it's not a safe word, but you can have a body movement or something that will trigger it.
What do you do when your partner is so involved in the scene and goes into subspace or just gets so involved that they don't have the faculties to tap out how as a dom and as the top in this situation, how would you handle something like that?
[00:10:36] Speaker B: Again, that goes back to the checking in so very periodically, not like every 510 minutes, but every couple of minutes you're checking in.
What's your color? Like green, red, yellow.
[00:10:54] Speaker A: Where are you?
Yes.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: And you can even do it nonverbally so as not to just pull them directly out of the subspace so you could tap them somewhere like, this is where I'm going to tap you when I want you to respond. And then maybe they'll tap with their hand if they're okay. Or they can motion their hand in another way to tell you, no, stop. Or it's getting a little too intense, you can develop. That's the beauty of the scenes. Like I said, they can be anything you want them to be. If you want to have a ridiculous sign that you're having an issue, it can be ridiculous. A lot of people, especially with safe words, will use a ridiculous word that they would never use in real life because that keeps it safe.
[00:11:45] Speaker A: Pomegranate, right? Yeah.
[00:11:47] Speaker B: Nobody would ever say pomegranate, obviously not during sex, anyway.
[00:11:51] Speaker A: If you're saying pomegranate during sex, then I need to come to your house.
[00:11:57] Speaker B: I would say you're doing it wrong.
[00:12:00] Speaker A: To each their own, right? That's the beauty of it.
[00:12:03] Speaker B: You're going to get a visit from Pat anyways.
[00:12:05] Speaker A: So send me your address. You got my email address.
Have the pomegranates ready and waiting.
[00:12:10] Speaker B: Didn't know pomegranate was the thing.
[00:12:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
So what you're saying is it's all pre negotiated.
[00:12:18] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:12:19] Speaker A: So have it set up beforehand. Hey, if you get too far gone, then we're going to go to body language and we're going to start doing this.
[00:12:27] Speaker B: Right.
[00:12:29] Speaker A: Perfect.
[00:12:30] Speaker B: A little bit of forethought goes a long way in a scene, right.
[00:12:38] Speaker A: Because you and your wife have been, like I said, doing this for quite some time now.
I'm still a year and a half ish into it, so I'm learning a lot.
But on average, how long does a scene last for you guys?
Is it something that you put a time limit to? Is it something that you're like, you know, we're just going to go until the mood feels right. Is that something that you set up beforehand for you?
[00:13:09] Speaker B: I typically don't put a length on my scenes.
[00:13:15] Speaker A: You do let them develop naturally.
[00:13:17] Speaker B: Well, what I like doing is having them written out and I'll have my notes app and it will be a very detailed paragraph about what everything that's going to happen. But there's no time limit on how long it's going to happen.
[00:13:35] Speaker A: So do you share that with your sub, your wife beforehand? Is she aware of everything that's going to happen?
[00:13:42] Speaker B: Most of the time, yeah.
[00:13:43] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:13:44] Speaker B: Now there's times that you like to throw a little I'm in there extremely sadistic. So I like just blindfolding you and not now. Guess what's going to happen.
[00:13:54] Speaker A: Shut up and take it, woman.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: And that's actually one of the best scenes we had is I've made several tools throughout the years and I would pound it next to her so she knew it was coming, but she didn't know when it was coming. So those mind games are something that I really enjoy playing.
[00:14:22] Speaker A: And she does it too.
[00:14:24] Speaker B: If she didn't, that would be a very poor match. Yeah, very poor match. He keeps driving me crazy all the time.
[00:14:30] Speaker A: I don't know what to do with him.
[00:14:32] Speaker B: It was already crazy.
[00:14:35] Speaker A: All right, so just kind of bring it all together, consent, work things out beforehand, stay connected, have some form of, whether it be verbal or physical communication through check in and enjoy yourself, have fun.
[00:14:59] Speaker B: Correct.
But don't forget aftercare.
[00:15:03] Speaker A: Don't forget aftercare. Aftercare is super important.
I know we're going to do an episode on Aftercare at another time, but something that's really, in my opinion, and you may differ, but something really important aftercare is it's not just the physical after.
So you just beat them until they're red. Now, yes, you want to massage some oils or some lotions, take care of them physically, but after care is also an emotional thing.
Take care of them emotionally because when they've been through a scene, when you're sub especially, and it can happen to doms too, because as Dom and masters we get caught up in it, it's exciting for us too. So there's got to be some aftercare for the dom too, which I'm very fortunate that my wife loves giving me aftercare. But it's an emotional thing because everyone's coming down from this high that they've been on for the last hour or two and it can really mess with, especially the sub. It can mess with them emotionally because adrenaline levels and endorphin levels are dropping and sometimes they drop fast.
And so that's why we're going to do a whole episode on Aftercare. But yeah, it is extremely important.
[00:16:33] Speaker B: Can I say one more thing?
[00:16:34] Speaker A: You can say whatever you want. You are the guest.
You get to do whatever you want.
[00:16:39] Speaker B: So the scene is where the sub would be feeding the dominant. Aftercare is where the dominant will then take and pour that energy back into the sub. So the flow of energy is extremely important.
[00:16:55] Speaker A: Yes, 100% agree.
So with that, we are going to cut this one. And as always, if you guys got any questions, comments, suggestions?
Want to even get a message to James here? He's far more experienced than I am. That's why if I have to, I'll shabari tie him up in here and keep him for the weekend. But any questions, comments? Hit us up. Thekinkychristianpodcast@gmail.com and until next time, stay safe, take care of each other, and God bless.
