Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, everyone.
[00:00:00] Speaker B: I'm Jane. I'm Kitten.
[00:00:02] Speaker A: As you know, my name is Pat. It's that time again. It's time for another episode of the Kinky Christian Podcast.
All right, we are back, everybody. Again and again and again.
Because we got nothing else to do with our lives.
[00:00:23] Speaker B: That is a lie.
[00:00:25] Speaker A: Is it? Okay, I prefer to think of it as an exaggeration.
Anyway, welcome back to the Kinky Christian Podcast.
As you know, I am Pat.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: I'm Kenton.
[00:00:41] Speaker A: And we are going to jump back into talking about the Bible, which I know that's everybody's favorite subject. Otherwise you wouldn't be listening to us, right?
[00:00:54] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:00:55] Speaker A: So we left off last time with the Bible and finishing up the book of Leviticus.
And so now we're going to jump into numbers, which numbers really only has one spot where it talks about relationships or sex or anything. In the whole book of Numbers, we are going to be in numbers five.
Okay, so we start in numbers five at verse 11.
And so in some Bibles, they kind of. They tell you, like what.
They give you an idea of what you're going to be reading. And this one kind of.
Kind of gave Kitten a little tweak.
[00:01:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:01:50] Speaker A: Yeah. What's it called, Kitten?
[00:01:52] Speaker B: It's called the test for an unfaithful wife.
It's just annoying because the men can go around screwing everything and everybody, but the wives can't.
[00:02:06] Speaker A: Well, I wouldn't say that they can't. You can't be unfaithful. You can't be an unfaithful husband.
[00:02:15] Speaker B: Where's that in the Bible?
[00:02:16] Speaker A: You can have multiple wives and concubines, but you can't be unfaithful.
[00:02:24] Speaker B: Men can have multiple wives and concubines, but women can't have multiple men.
[00:02:29] Speaker A: Do you want multiple men?
[00:02:30] Speaker B: I personally do not, but it's an unfair justice of the society.
[00:02:35] Speaker A: Unfair justice of punishment.
[00:02:36] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:02:38] Speaker A: Is it, though.
[00:02:40] Speaker B: For those that want two men or three or four or five? Yes.
[00:02:45] Speaker A: I see.
Well, God says that's not good.
[00:02:49] Speaker B: Well, he's wrong.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: Is he now?
All right, so we're going to read the test for an unfaithful wife. Dum dum.
We'll see if you can pass this test, kitten.
[00:03:07] Speaker B: Probably not, I'm sure.
[00:03:08] Speaker A: Okay, so we're going to start numbers 5, 11.
Then the Lord said to Moses, speak to the Israelites and say to them, if a man's wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him, so that another man has sexual relations with her.
And this is hidden from her husband. And her impurity is undetected since there is no witness against her if and she has not been caught in the act.
So how would you know that?
[00:03:37] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:03:38] Speaker A: How would you even know that, anyway?
And if feelings of jealousy come over her husband and he suspects his wife and she is impure, or if he is jealous and suspects her even though she is not impure.
[00:03:53] Speaker B: Rude.
[00:03:54] Speaker A: Well, yeah. I mean. Well, let's see what happens.
Don't get all worked up yet. Let's see what happens then. He is to take his wife to the priest.
He must also take an offering of a tenth of an ephah of barley flour on her behalf.
Why? I don't know, but that's what he has to do.
He must not pour olive oil on it or put incense on it because it is a grain offering for jealousy, a reminder offering to draw attention to wrongdoing.
The priest shall bring her and have her stand before the Lord. Then he shall take some holy water in a clay jar and put some dust from the tabernacle floor into the water.
It sounds like alchemy, doesn't it?
They're gonna do. They're gonna make up a love potion. Number nine.
After the priest has had the woman stand before the Lord, he shall loosen her hair and place in her hands the reminder offering, the grain offering for jealousy while he himself holds the bitter water that brings a curse.
Okay, now it's getting good.
Then the priest shall put the woman under oath and say to her, if no other man has had sexual relations with you and you have not gone astray and become impure while married to your husband, may this bitter water that brings a curse not harm you.
But if you have gone astray while married to your husband and you have made yourself impure by having sexual relations with a man other than your husband, here the priest is to put the woman under this curse.
May the Lord cause you to become a curse among your people when he makes your womb miscarry and your abdomen swell. So basically, you're gonna get fat.
[00:06:10] Speaker B: Yeah. So nobody wants you.
[00:06:12] Speaker A: That's right.
And you're gonna be a curse to everybody.
May this water that brings a curse into your body so that your abdomen swells or your womb miscarries, then the woman is to say, amen. So be it. Yeah, I don't see that happen.
[00:06:28] Speaker B: No, I. I don't see that happening either. I see some priests getting his butt whooped.
[00:06:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Throwing throat punch.
[00:06:34] Speaker B: Throat punch.
[00:06:35] Speaker A: That's what's going to happen here.
The priest is to write these Curses on a scroll, and then wash them off into the bitter water.
He shall make the woman drink the bitter water that brings a curse. And this water that brings a curse and causes bitter suffering will enter her. The priest is to take from her hands the grain offering for jealousy, wave it before the Lord and bring it to the altar.
The priest is then to take a handful of grain offering as a memorial offering and burn it on the altar. After that, he is to have the woman drink the water.
If she has made herself impure and been unfaithful to her husband, this will be the result.
When she is made to drink the water that brings a curse and causes bitter suffering, it will enter her. Her abdomen will not swell her womb and her womb will miscarry. Oh, no. Her abdomen will swell and her womb will miscarry and she will become a curse. If, however, the woman has not made herself impure but is clean, she will be cleared of guilt and will be able to have children.
This, then, is a law of jealousy. When a woman goes astray and makes herself impure while married to her husband, or when feelings of jealousy come over a man because he suspects his wife, the priest is to have her stand before the Lord and is to apply this entire law to her.
The husband will be innocent of any wrongdoing, but the woman will bear the consequences of her sin.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: So even though he's accusing her and she did nothing wrong, he doesn't get in trouble.
[00:08:18] Speaker A: No. This is if she is guilty, you know, the woman will bear the consequences of her sin. If there's no sin, then it's no harm, no foul.
[00:08:29] Speaker B: I don't know about you, but I don't like being accused of something I didn't do.
[00:08:33] Speaker A: No, but it's gonna happen.
[00:08:36] Speaker B: True.
[00:08:37] Speaker A: You know, I think this is better than.
I'm not saying this is a great deal. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to justify this or anything. This is. This is God's law.
But in my opinion, this is better than getting stoned just for being suspected of something.
You know, if the husband gets jealous, he has to take her before the priest and the priest can. And God can determine if she's guilty or not. And if she's not, then no harm, no foul. She just has to drink some dirty water, you know?
[00:09:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:15] Speaker A: So.
Yeah, that is a lot in there.
And you notice this whole thing doesn't really deal with anything but his jealousy about it.
[00:09:33] Speaker B: Right.
[00:09:34] Speaker A: You know, it's a jealousy offering. It's dealing with the jealousy.
[00:09:38] Speaker B: If he suspects doesn't deal with his anger.
[00:09:42] Speaker A: Doesn't. Yeah.
[00:09:43] Speaker B: Or anything. It really would be angry.
[00:09:45] Speaker A: He would be angry and it should. You know.
Why did he suspect her in the first place?
[00:09:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:52] Speaker A: You know, why was. You know, it sounds like there should be some.
[00:09:56] Speaker B: Like, what if he's a little cuckoo and he's just jealous? He's just a jealous person.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: That's what I'm saying. It sounds like they should have some. Some ancient therapist, you know, I mean.
[00:10:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:08] Speaker A: Talking to these people.
[00:10:09] Speaker B: They did. It's called the Priest.
[00:10:11] Speaker A: Oh, I forgot to turn my phone off.
[00:10:13] Speaker B: You're in trouble.
[00:10:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
Oops.
[00:10:17] Speaker B: Shame on you.
[00:10:19] Speaker A: I should probably turn that off now. You probably should before it rings again.
[00:10:24] Speaker B: That's a shame. For shame.
[00:10:26] Speaker A: I thought I left it upstairs, but I guess I didn't.
[00:10:30] Speaker B: Want me to put it over here?
[00:10:32] Speaker A: Nah, I'm good.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:10:33] Speaker A: Any.
It'll be fine. So anyway, that is the entirety of what is talked about with sex relations.
Any kind of anything. When it comes to a man and a woman in numbers. In that whole book, that was all I could find about anything.
[00:10:56] Speaker B: Well, it makes sense because numbers isn't really.
[00:10:59] Speaker A: No, it's not.
And, you know, we're actually. I mean, when you stop and think about it, there's probably gonna be a lot of books we don't even talk about, you know, like Chronicles and Kings, where they just go through genealogy and.
[00:11:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:12] Speaker A: So.
But yeah. Anyway, that's what happens if a man gets jealous. Can you imagine if that was still happening today? Because people, like, in general are just jealous over everything.
[00:11:25] Speaker B: I mean, yeah, we'd be at the temple all the time.
[00:11:29] Speaker A: There'd be a waiting line. You'd have to take a number, and then it'd have to Dirty water all ready to go. And you could probably buy it at Walmart, you know, probably so.
All right. Well, that was quick. And I was gonna say down and dirty.
[00:11:47] Speaker B: You.
[00:11:48] Speaker A: So punny done quit my day job.
[00:11:50] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:11:52] Speaker A: So we will end this episode there. You guys get a reprieve from hearing us yammer or me yammer, because kitten doesn't like to talk a lot, so.
[00:12:05] Speaker B: I say what's important.
[00:12:07] Speaker A: Yeah, like you're gonna throw punch the priest. Yeah, that's the important stuff.
[00:12:10] Speaker B: That's the important stuff.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: So, anyway, we'll call that one there and we'll talk to you next time. If you want to reach out to us and share your story, which has been pretty cool. We've been talking to people from around the world, actually now, you know, people sharing their story. And so we really enjoy that. Reach out to us. You can email us@the kinkychristianpodcastmail.com we got a Facebook page. We do check it. We don't post a lot, but we do check it. So if you want to go to the Kinky King Christian Podcast on Facebook, you can leave comments. If you're watching us on the YouTube, you can, you know, like us, subscribe us, leave comments if your podcasting platform allows you to.
We like to hear from you. So, yeah, until next time, take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and God bless.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: Sam.
