Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, everyone, I'm Jane.
[00:00:01] Speaker B: I'm kitten.
[00:00:02] Speaker A: As you know, my name is Pat. It's that time again. It's time for another episode of the Kinky Christian podcast.
All right, everybody, welcome back to the Kinky Christian podcast. I am your host, Pat, and with.
[00:00:22] Speaker B: Me, as always, hi, I'm kitten.
[00:00:26] Speaker A: So we initially were going to do an episode on CNC.
Not the machining, not TNt, like Ac DC. I'm done. Oh, my.
[00:00:41] Speaker B: Don't do that.
[00:00:42] Speaker A: Don't do that. No. Okay.
But some things kind of changed in our lives today. I shouldn't say they changed things that have been in our lives or kind of brought to our attention, like, prominently agree today.
And so we kind of felt like that was God telling us, hey, you need to talk about this stuff, because it's something that I believe a lot of people experience and go through, and there might be some shame and embarrassment associated with it.
And so we want to kind of talk about it and give you our experiences with it and what we know about it, because we experience it ourselves.
And I don't know what you would even call it, performance anxiety.
I don't know.
We're just gonna.
[00:01:51] Speaker B: That works for now.
[00:01:52] Speaker A: We're gonna call it failure to launch or. I don't know. Anyway, it's when you start losing your sex drive, and that can be for, like, a million different reasons.
We tend to get embarrassed by it. We don't. There's times you don't even wanna talk to your partner about it because you feel ashamed that, you know, hey, I can't perform the way I used to. I can't do the things I did when I was 25.
And what we want to try to convey in this episode is, that's okay. That's natural. It's normal.
Don't be ashamed about it. Don't be ashamed to talk about it, especially with your partner.
I think communication, we always preach communication because communication is the key to everything. So don't be afraid to talk to your partner about it. So I'm going to share my experience, and kitten has agreed that we can share her experiences.
[00:03:08] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:03:09] Speaker A: Right?
[00:03:09] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:03:10] Speaker A: Okay. Just.
[00:03:10] Speaker B: I want to verbalize, so, yes, we can consent.
[00:03:15] Speaker A: So for us, I have a condition that causes severe high blood pressure, hypertension, whatever they call it, and takes a lot of medications to control it because of the condition I have.
Sorry, my dog's over here, like, scratching away, and all I hear is a jingling of her collar.
Sorry, squirrel.
And when you get on so many blood pressure medicines, it can make it difficult to stay erect sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes when it first started happening, I was, like, super embarrassed because kitten would, like, ask me, are you not wanting me? Do I not turn you on? Why are you not hard?
And it's really embarrassing sometimes when you're, like, in the middle of sex and.
[00:04:22] Speaker B: It goes away, usually at the most inopportune times.
[00:04:27] Speaker A: It's always at an inopportune time, but sometimes for you more than others.
[00:04:31] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:04:34] Speaker A: So it took me a long time to accept that myself, first of all, because I had to accept that myself.
And then it took a little longer to communicate that to kitten, that, hey, it's not that I don't find you attractive. It's not that I don't want to have sex with you, because that's completely the opposite. I mean, I find her, like, super attractive. Who wouldn't? Come on.
I married out of my league.
But my health and my condition and the medications that I was on was affecting me.
Plus, I was getting older.
So as we get older, especially men, our testosterone levels start to drop.
And, you know, that.
That whole thing that, you know, what was that, that saying? They say I used to do it seven days a week. Now it takes seven days to do it or something like that. I don't know.
[00:05:42] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know. It's close.
[00:05:44] Speaker A: Yeah. But anyway, they make. It's so common. They make jokes about it, because as we get older, it does affect us, unfortunately.
[00:05:55] Speaker B: Women too.
[00:05:55] Speaker A: Yeah, and women too.
So.
Well, let's explain your situation.
[00:06:04] Speaker B: So my situation is because of medication, I have a condition that requires me to be on antidepressants, and therefore pretty heavy antidepressants, and they cause orgasms to be difficult to. At best, yeah.
Sometimes they just don't happen. The feeling is there, the desire is there.
You can get close, but it doesn't happen.
And that's one of the side effects of the medication. So until this condition is, I don't know, I'd say cured, but controlled.
This is a situation that we're going to have from time to time. Now, there are times when it'll pop off without a problem, but more often than not, it's more difficult.
[00:07:09] Speaker A: I don't have to go to Crossfit because the amount of work that I gotta put in sometimes to get an orgasm out of her is epic.
[00:07:22] Speaker B: Got your own wad going on, do you?
[00:07:23] Speaker A: I know, right? Holy crap. It is not.
And again, another thing is kittens going through menopause.
[00:07:33] Speaker B: Shh.
That's a naughty word.
[00:07:36] Speaker A: Way too young. To go through menopause. Most women don't go through menopause at 30 like you are.
[00:07:41] Speaker B: No, I know.
[00:07:45] Speaker A: But that also similar to men, when their testosterone levels drop, women's hormones change and drop and it can affect things. And, too.
The point is, there's a lot of things it can even be, and I'm trying to think of a nice way to say this, that you don't find your partner attractive anymore.
I know a lot of people say, you know, the physical don't matter. You know, it's all about who the person is. And if you love them, you love them no matter what they look like.
Yes and no. I mean, I, for the most part, when we meet our significant other, we are drawn to them physically first.
For the most part, we don't know them deeply until we've already been attracted to them physically. There are those occasions where you know, you're friends forever and you get to know the person and you fall in love.
I don't think that happens as much as the. Oh, man, she's hot.
I want to get to know her.
Agree. Disagree.
[00:09:05] Speaker B: I agree.
[00:09:07] Speaker A: So there is a certain physical attraction that does have to exist, you know, in a relationship, because if you look at your partner and you don't like what you see, just as there are some beautiful people in this world, physically beautiful people, but have such an ugly personality that you look at them and it's hard to see the physical beauty through the ugly personality.
[00:09:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:42] Speaker A: You know what I mean?
[00:09:43] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I know we're not naming names, but. Oh, yeah.
[00:09:49] Speaker A: No, we do not name names on here.
So there has to be a certain physical attraction. And that doesn't mean that you have to look the same way you did when you were 20, because none of us do.
And the physical attraction, once you get to know someone, you did not turn them phones down, did you? I just heard my phone bleep at me.
[00:10:14] Speaker B: Whoops.
[00:10:14] Speaker A: Oops. Sorry about that.
[00:10:16] Speaker B: Bad kitten.
[00:10:17] Speaker A: Apologize.
[00:10:19] Speaker B: I failed at my duty.
[00:10:22] Speaker A: No more spankings for you.
[00:10:24] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:10:26] Speaker A: So there has to be some physical attraction. And if you get to know someone, usually the physical attraction stays because you look past the actual physical and see.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: I mean, you see their heart.
[00:10:36] Speaker A: You see their heart, you see them. So. But there does have to be some physical attraction.
[00:10:40] Speaker B: Mm hmm.
[00:10:43] Speaker A: So why are you trying to distract me like that?
[00:10:55] Speaker B: And it's fun.
[00:10:56] Speaker A: Is it fun?
[00:10:57] Speaker B: It is.
[00:10:57] Speaker A: It must be fun for you.
[00:11:01] Speaker B: It's been a long day, master.
[00:11:03] Speaker A: Has it?
[00:11:04] Speaker B: It really has. So, you know, I need to get fun with.
[00:11:10] Speaker A: Okay.
So, anyway, don't be embarrassed by any of it.
[00:11:16] Speaker B: It's hard. It's very hard. Especially, like, when you're in the moment and you want to please your partner.
[00:11:26] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:11:26] Speaker B: And when they can't get there and you see their frustration, you feel their frustration.
For me, it's.
I feel bad, you know, like I'm causing. I'm causing. And it's not that I'm not causing. My body is just not behaving like we want it to.
But that mental game starts playing, especially with women. Yeah. And that's where I. We need to connect. So when we are able to connect differently first, that tends to also happen. Help.
So what we found is that there's more and more foreplay in intimacy. Intimacy. Non sexual touches usually have to happen first or a scene of some sort.
[00:12:39] Speaker A: Rope works really well with her.
[00:12:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:41] Speaker A: If I get that rope and I tie her up as good as I can, as mentioned before, I'm not that good, but I get it. And she likes to feel it just rub over her body. And that will help.
[00:12:53] Speaker B: Right. Cause it's sensual, not sexual, if that makes sense. So that's what we found works best for us.
Now, sometimes it still doesn't happen.
[00:13:10] Speaker A: Yeah. But it definitely increases our odds. It does, like, twice as much, I think.
[00:13:19] Speaker B: Right.
[00:13:19] Speaker A: At least. Yeah.
[00:13:20] Speaker B: But there's also the intentionality of taking the time to be connected.
[00:13:32] Speaker A: Connected is the key word. You're correct. Connected.
[00:13:34] Speaker B: Yeah. So I think that that, for us, has helped with both of our conditions.
[00:13:43] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think also something I've learned, at least with kitten, is sex starts here always.
It starts here. And I'm not even kidding you. Starts here. And it works its way down. So you start there, then the heart starts warming up, and then you get down to my core. The core, you know, and her. It really does. Her core will start to feel bad by the time it reaches to the happy zone. She's ready to then move on.
[00:14:17] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:14:18] Speaker A: And that doesn't mean, you know, it's intercourse right away.
That could be oral, it could be toys.
It could be, you know, anything, estam. But then she's ready to move on to the physical aspect of intercourse, of the sex.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
So hoo hoo dilly in the.
[00:14:43] Speaker A: Put my. Hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha, right?
[00:14:45] Speaker B: Yeah. Is that how we put that?
[00:14:46] Speaker A: That's what it is. So start here. Always start here. As much as you can. Now, granted, life gets in the way.
[00:14:55] Speaker B: Oh, God, yes.
[00:14:57] Speaker A: We have a house full of people with grandkids and pets, you know, jobs and chores and school.
So life will happen. And so there are times when, you know, you just wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. Just need that physical release.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:15:17] Speaker A: I'm not saying every time you have sex has to be this, you know, two hour long excursion. But just stop and remember that of that 2 hours, if it's going to be 2 hours for us we'll be laying on the couch watching a movie and she'll put her feet on me. Well, hi there, female.
[00:15:38] Speaker B: Hi, baby girl.
[00:15:40] Speaker A: Said puppy is now requesting attention.
So she'll put her feet on me and I'll just start to massage her feet.
Exactly.
And I'll massage her feet centrally. Kind of deep. Work up her calves, you know, start massaging her thighs.
And I know when I'm hitting the right spots because then she's like, oh, rub my butt. Get my butt. You know, you hit that. That kitten butt button and, you know, game on. Game on. Right there.
[00:16:11] Speaker B: So why you gonna say hi?
[00:16:14] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:16:15] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:16:16] Speaker A: Let's calm down now.
[00:16:17] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:16:18] Speaker A: Thank you.
That's our puppy, Phoebe.
[00:16:24] Speaker B: She's nine months old.
[00:16:26] Speaker A: Nine months old. So she. She does not like leaving mom and dad too often. So.
[00:16:29] Speaker B: Nope.
[00:16:32] Speaker A: So, yeah. You know, women like to be stimulated and primed and not just, you know.
[00:16:40] Speaker B: I mean, sometimes.
[00:16:41] Speaker A: Well, sometimes we want a good. Yeah.
But I guess the main thing is don't be ashamed of changes that happen in your body for whatever reason. You know, you're gonna have physical things that happen to you. You're gonna have just natural age that happens to you.
You may have mental things that happen to you and emotional things that happen to you.
Everything that happens to you can. Can change how your sorry about that.
Can change how your body feels and responds to sexual stimulation.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: And it's okay to just have intimacy?
[00:17:26] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:17:27] Speaker B: Not even have sex sometimes.
That's what you need, you know?
[00:17:34] Speaker A: And another thing that seems to be a little controversial in people christians especially, fight over is masturbation.
Personally, we feel there's nothing wrong with masturbation.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:17:56] Speaker A: We're going through the Bible, as you know, in our series. We'll see if the Bible actually says anything about it. But sometimes your body just desires something other than flesh.
Everything feels different, you know, a vibrator. Each vibrator feels different. Each dildo will feel different, you know, and they all feel different than a penis, you know, or fingers. I mean, sometimes she'd rather have fingers.
So don't be afraid to try different things to see how it works. It doesn't always have to be with a partner, and especially guys. Listen to me.
If your partner is, like, masturbating without you around, that does not mean she doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. Believe me, that does not mean that. That means she needs something at that time to give her whatever it is she needs. Talk it through.
You know, I'm perfectly okay with her masturbating with me not around as long as she tells me about it later, you know?
[00:19:13] Speaker B: But that's how we've established it.
[00:19:15] Speaker A: That's how we've established it. You have to establish your own.
Agree?
[00:19:20] Speaker B: I agree.
[00:19:22] Speaker A: So if masturbation is what is needed, whether it be a temporary fix or something you need to incorporate into your sex life on a more permanent basis, talk it out. Talk it out. And don't be ashamed to talk it out. Don't make your partner feel ashamed for what they're going through.
That's another thing.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:46] Speaker A: You know, don't. Don't sit there and, oh, so you just don't want me anymore or, you know, I'm not good enough so you can't get a boner or whatever?
Don't do that because that only makes things worse. Yeah, kitten didn't do that. Don't. I don't want you to think I'm, like, making a point of that to her.
[00:20:06] Speaker B: I would never.
[00:20:06] Speaker A: She would never do that. You know, she's always worried about what I'm going through and what she can do to help, you know, like, there are times she'll just say, hey, do you want oral? Do you need, you know, a hand job? Do you know? She offers up all these suggestions to help along the way to try to make it work.
[00:20:25] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:20:25] Speaker A: And if it just doesn't work, she's like, okay, well, let's grab toys and try to finish her off, you know, so.
[00:20:31] Speaker B: And if that doesn't work, then we just cuddle and watch tv.
[00:20:34] Speaker A: Cuddle and watch tv or go to bed and I play with boobies.
[00:20:37] Speaker B: That always makes you happy.
[00:20:38] Speaker A: That always makes me happy.
So just know that all these things you go through, it's natural. You can have health conditions. You can have just old age setting in. You can, you know, start finding yourself unattracted to them. And if you do try to change that. I hate to see relationships break up. Marriages, that's God's most holy union, and we hate to see marriages.
[00:21:03] Speaker B: Communicate.
[00:21:04] Speaker A: Yeah, communicate.
[00:21:05] Speaker B: Communicate.
[00:21:06] Speaker A: That's key to everything all the time. So communicate properly.
[00:21:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:14] Speaker A: There are communication methods that I would not recommend.
[00:21:17] Speaker B: I agree. I guess I just communicate with assuming that people would grab on to communicate properly, so.
[00:21:28] Speaker A: Oh, look, that's your phone.
[00:21:29] Speaker B: Now, listen. Oh, listen, Linda, I already admitted that I did not turn the phones off.
[00:21:38] Speaker A: Whoops.
We're not perfect.
[00:21:42] Speaker B: Nope.
[00:21:43] Speaker A: Never clean.
[00:21:43] Speaker B: And it's been a day. Been a day.
[00:21:47] Speaker A: All right. Okay, so I think we've said enough about that. You go with that one?
[00:21:51] Speaker B: I think so.
[00:21:52] Speaker A: Anything else you want to add?
[00:21:55] Speaker B: Nothing comes to mind. If it does, I'll throw it on another episode.
[00:21:59] Speaker A: There you go.
So, until next time, take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And God blessed.
