Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, guys. Welcome back to another episode of the Kinky Christian podcast. I am your host Pat, and with me again is my beautiful kitten Melissa. Say hi, Melissa.
[00:00:12] Speaker B: Hi, Melissa.
[00:00:22] Speaker A: All right, so this episode, we are going to be discussing coloring and what coloring is, what it means and why people do it, why people in the lifestyle do it.
So, as you know, me and my kitten, I have her collared. She's wearing it now.
What is collaring? Collaring is I don't want to say simply a way of doing something, but it's when you're in a power exchange relationship and you're claiming ownership of a specific submissive. The dom is claiming ownership.
Collaring is the way of showing that claim on that person.
It's very similar in the aspect of wedding rings or bands of some kind to signify the relationship, the existing relationship.
[00:01:34] Speaker B: It's a physical representation of the dynamic.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: Correct.
And why do people collar instead of just saying, yeah, this is my submissive, why do people use the collars? Why don't they use a ring? Why don't they do?
Collaring is more of a I don't want to say it's more of a significant meaning than anything else because the meaning with something is implied with the relationship.
Does that make sense? Your relationship, whatever.
You could give someone a banana, and if that banana has meaning, then the banana is what's important. It's the meaning. So why do people collar instead of giving fruit or just using other rings?
[00:02:42] Speaker B: I have no idea.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: No.
So I didn't get a lot of time to research it quite myself.
But if I remember correctly and correct me if I'm wrong I'm sure you will, coloring, it kind of comes from the whole master slave thing.
Slaves were always chained and collared and strung around by the neck.
[00:03:11] Speaker B: That sounded so violent.
[00:03:13] Speaker A: Well, you know what I mean.
Animals, dogs, you put a collar on them and put a tag to signify that you own them.
So what quick research I got to do, and I apologize. I really should have been better prepared for this episode, but life is kind of busy right now, and I wanted to get something out there, so I'll only speak on what I know the real reason. Like I said, that's what I vaguely remember when I was researching this a while ago. Check it out yourself.
If you got the actual reason, I'm sure there's something out there that will tell you. Let us hit us up in the comments, let us know, email us, and we'll correct it in a future episode. But it really is because the ownership aspect of it, I don't think there's too many in the lifestyle that aren't like master slave. It doesn't have to be 24/7 master slave, but I don't think there's too many that collar, unless they're in some kind of significant power exchange relationship, weekend warrior type of people, they don't really collar.
[00:04:24] Speaker B: That's not true. No, okay.
In my opinion, it's unfortunate, but there are people who are in the lifestyle that will self collar.
[00:04:39] Speaker A: How do you self collar?
[00:04:41] Speaker B: Yeah, put a collar on.
[00:04:43] Speaker A: But then who are you collared to yourself?
[00:04:50] Speaker B: It's a significance of self.
A significance of reminding you that you are a strong individual and you don't need anybody self empowerment.
I understand some of the concept behind it.
I don't agree with it, but that's because of the traditionalist.
But that is happening. And a lot of the new people that are coming into the lifestyle, they are coloring.
It's kind of equal to marriages now. They put the collar on and the other person ticks them off. Doesn't do what they want them to do.
[00:05:42] Speaker A: They take the collar off and they.
[00:05:43] Speaker B: Just take the collar off. It's kind of like marriages.
[00:05:46] Speaker A: So they've taken something of significance and importance traditionally through the history of it and are lessening the significance and importance of it.
[00:05:58] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:06:01] Speaker A: That's a sad thing.
[00:06:03] Speaker B: It is very it's I see it all the time in the Facebook boards that we're part of, a lot of the subdom groups that we're part of.
I don't agree with it.
To me, it lessens the significance of that. When someone is actually in a serious relationship.
[00:06:35] Speaker A: It doesn't hold the weight and the impact.
Yeah, well, I guess in my opinion, if you're in a relationship and you want to show the importance of that relationship, then it can't be something that can be taken off and put on at a moment's notice.
[00:07:04] Speaker B: Right.
[00:07:04] Speaker A: You know what I mean?
If you're putting it on and taking it off and putting it on and taking it off, then it doesn't have importance enough to leave it on and fight for it. Which then to me tells me that that relationship is not important enough to fight for.
[00:07:23] Speaker B: That's the outward perspective when they do that. Yeah. Internally it may be different for them.
[00:07:30] Speaker A: I understand that. But that tells me that these people who are coloring don't put the significance on the color that I do.
[00:07:42] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:07:43] Speaker A: If it can be removed and put back on and given back and taken away just on a whim.
[00:07:50] Speaker B: Now, there are some dynamics where they're long distance and they will come for a weekend, for a month or for a week or whatever and wear the collar for that. And they'll wear the collar from the time that they are with their dominant until the time that they leave. And I can see that.
[00:08:13] Speaker A: I understand that.
[00:08:14] Speaker B: Yeah. I can see that.
They don't have a discrete day caller. They just have the dynamic collar when they're in the scenes and stuff.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: Yeah, I can understand that. Especially with a long distance relationship, which I'm not a fan of long distance relationships.
It doesn't work for me. I understand. It works for a lot of people. And if it works for you, hey, more power to you. That's the beauty of relationships. They're what you want them to be. They don't have to be what anyone else wants them to be. And same with coloring. Whether I agree or disagree or have no opinion on it doesn't matter. It's the significance and the importance that you put on it yourself, just like a wedding ring.
Agree?
[00:09:08] Speaker B: I agree.
[00:09:09] Speaker A: Okay, so there are many different, as we've just discussed, many different views on coloring. There are many different ways to color. There are many different reasons to color.
We even went so far as to I mean, if you see she's got her color on, we did a three tier, three step coloring process.
And the reason we did that is, first of all, we liked the idea of it.
It resonated with us. It really rung true. So we did the provisional collar, and when we did this, we were still trying to fix our marriage and our relationship. We were still in a very bad place. We knew we wanted to be together, and we knew what the ultimate goal was, but it was still very raw over what happened, and we were still trying to put it all together. So it really kind of resonated even more with us to do the three collars than the one. So we did a provisional collar, which is what I put on my kitten until she and I agreed that's kind of the dating period of the relationship. It's a collar that says, provisionally, I'm taken, but that collar can be taken off at any time by either of us, and there would have been no harm, no foul.
Once we realized that, okay, this is going to work, then we gave her a training collar, which is kind of like the step two, that's kind of the engagement ring. And that's when you start working on the training of your sub.
That's when you start developing the dynamic that you want and creating the flow in the relationship and making sure that everything is heading in the right direction and that everyone is okay with the direction it's heading. Again, this collar can be removed by either party at the same time or anytime, and not at the same time, but at any time. However, there's a little more ramification to it because now you've taken a commitment and has said, kind of take this job and shove it.
And then there's what we call the final collar, which is what she has on now. And we went a step further and made a binding for me.
So now I have the binding, which means I am her master.
And we designed these ourselves. We had them made ourselves. Designed and made ourselves. So they match.
There's Dragons, there's the Triskelion, and there is the Dragon's Eye Stone, which is exactly the same in both. So they're matching binding and collar.
And that was just something we wanted to do. We wanted something unique. We didn't want to just buy something we wanted, something that was uniquely us, and it represents our heritage, it represents our love, our journeys.
So that's what we did.
You don't have to do a three level, three stage, three step coloring.
That was just our choice. It's not very common to do that, but it worked for us.
And the forever collar, in our eyes, is not something that can be taken off and just I mean, that's serious. If it's taken off, you better see a counselor time. Well, yeah, either that or you pack your crap and get out. I don't ever want to talk to you again.
[00:13:34] Speaker B: Right.
[00:13:35] Speaker A: But it's the wedding ring of the collaring ceremony. However, because of the intensity of a power exchange relationship, it takes the commitment to a whole nother level than just getting married.
So for us, as much as the significance. As our wedding bands hold, and they hold a lot of significance, don't get me wrong, we're not saying they don't. Our wedding bands are extremely significant in our lives.
The binding and the collar are just that one step above.
Because it reminds us of who we are in this relationship.
We are husband and wife, we are friends, we're lovers, but we are master slave.
So it's like wedding bands on steroids when it comes to it. I mean, really?
[00:14:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:48] Speaker A: If we were to take these off for any other reason other than sleeping, because they choke and they hurt. These dragons bite, I'm going to tell you right now. They're mean, and they've got some very sharp scales on them.
We didn't stop to think about that when we were designing these.
[00:15:14] Speaker B: I mean, it comes in handy sometimes, but not usually at the right moment.
[00:15:18] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely. And sleeping is one of the moments where it just yeah. Because when you lay your face on it and you wake up with scratches yeah. Not good. So we take them off to sleep. But if I was to just go up and get mad. And take that off of her, we'd be fighting. Yeah. There would be some blows thrown.
So they're very significant for us. Now, as kent was saying, there's a lot of people who are self collaring and doing a lot of other things, and, hey, more power to you. Not my gig, not my thing. I think it's something a little more intense and meaningful than that. And I have also seen in things where there's just tons of people out there. Where they just take the collar back. The master will take the collar back just at a whim. I'm done with you.
To me, that's so wrong.
I think that does a lot of damage to a submissive, especially if there's no warning.
[00:16:28] Speaker B: No warning, no communication, no wrapping it up or even trying to fix it. That, too yeah. Not even giving an opportunity to debrief, what do I need to do to do better?
[00:16:49] Speaker A: Where did this fall apart?
[00:16:51] Speaker B: Yeah. And if it's something that I need to work on, is it something that you're willing to work on with me, or am I on my own?
Ghosting is not cool.
[00:17:03] Speaker A: Well, and I don't think so. To me, again, this is just to me, any Dominant who does something like that is not a Dom. They're not a Master, they're not anything, because anyone worth their weight and salt who is a dominant of any kind understands the emotional aspect of what a submissive goes through. It's not even close to the same as a dominant. When a submissive gets attached to a Dom, submissives are generally very emotional people.
And when they submit to someone and they're giving their all to have that yanked away, it's a rejection at a very high level.
Any Dom who has any sense of true dominance in them would never do that. So if you've been with a Dom and they've done that, where they've yanked it away or have just ended a relationship out of the blue, or Ghosted.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: Be thankful you're not with them anymore, move on.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: Exactly.
Because that's just not any Dom. Like I said, it's not. Okay? And a real Dom is always aware of the effects of their actions on their submissive. And that doesn't matter if you're master, slave or anything. You are always fully aware of the emotional state of your submissive.
If that's happened to you, my heart goes out to you big time. Big time. And like Kitten said, be happy that you're not with that person anymore, because that is not a true Dom, and that is not someone who cares about their submissive well being. Yeah. So be happy that that ain't there.
So how do you call her?
[00:19:16] Speaker B: How do you call her?
[00:19:17] Speaker A: How do you call her?
[00:19:20] Speaker B: Sit down. I'm a choke you. No.
First there's a negotiation.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: Okay. Should be this is all should be recommended. Recommended?
[00:19:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
You have to have the conversation and negotiate. And what does that look like for you? Is it a ceremony?
Is there people witnessing? Is it intimate? Just you two?
Is it formal? Is it informal?
[00:19:59] Speaker A: So what I hear you saying is basically any way you want.
[00:20:02] Speaker B: Yes. Just like everything else in this lifestyle.
[00:20:07] Speaker A: Well, and in life, really.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: But since we're talking about the lifestyle.
[00:20:14] Speaker B: You do you honey boo boo. Yeah.
[00:20:17] Speaker A: So, yeah, you can have a ceremony. We had a very nice ceremony.
It was very small. I think we had ten to 15 people present.
And it was just a very small, intimate ceremony. We had the people that are important to us in our lives.
And it wasn't just the people who were in the lifestyle. In fact, there was only two people there that were in the lifestyle, but the rest of them loved us enough to support us, and they told us, look, I don't agree with what you're doing. I don't understand what you're doing, but we see how happy you are. So of course we will support you in this.
And, yeah, it was very similar to wedding ceremony. We had an officiator who did an amazing job officiating someone that was in the lifestyle.
And yeah.
[00:21:19] Speaker B: You got to have your big wedding that you wanted.
[00:21:22] Speaker A: Well, it wasn't a big wedding, but it was an elaborate I didn't even say elaborate. We don't really decorate.
That's not us. But I did get to sing to her, which is something I've always wanted to do. And I was scared as heck. My mouth was dry. I thought I was going to pass out. I could hardly get the words out. I sounded horrible.
So I couldn't tell if she was crying because it was that bad or what master.
But yeah, it was just a very emotional ceremony. She got to bind me. I got to barely yeah, you had a hard time getting that on.
[00:22:04] Speaker B: Getting it on.
[00:22:04] Speaker A: It was just because you were nervous and scared because you don't have a hard time getting it on now sometimes.
Not like what you did then.
[00:22:12] Speaker B: That was rough. I was sweaty palmed and crying and shaking, and then I'm supposed to bind you.
Not cool.
[00:22:21] Speaker A: Yeah, it was funny, though, throughout the timing of everything, but yeah, sorry, I tried.
So, yeah, that was how we did it. Some people just come together and have a very intimate, very intimate, just the two of them. And that's just as cool, just as sweet.
Apparently some people do it long distance and self. Call her now.
But yeah, you can call her any way you want to call her. It's all in you and what it means to you, what you're attaching to the act.
[00:23:01] Speaker B: Right.
[00:23:03] Speaker A: So we did it. I like the way ours turned out.
I was pretty happy with it.
[00:23:10] Speaker B: Yeah, it was good.
[00:23:14] Speaker A: Now, when it comes to our collars, a lot of people wear them, especially if you're in the Lifestyle. 24/7 will wear them, 24/7, they don't take them off.
We choose to take ours off. But that's with the understanding that I don't take my own binding off and I don't put my own binding on.
It's a rare occasion that we remove or put on our collar and binding ourselves.
[00:23:50] Speaker B: Panic attacks are okay.
[00:23:52] Speaker A: Panic attacks are okay. Which is also why her collar is adjustable. She has it to where she can get a little tighter around her neck or a little looser around her neck. And also, she still has her first two collars, her provisional and her training collar, which we have also agreed that she can wear as long as she's wearing one of the three collars at all times.
Because when she does her CrossFit and she does other things, this collar tends to get in the way.
[00:24:21] Speaker B: And we don't want it broke.
[00:24:22] Speaker A: And we don't want it broke. These are very expensive.
[00:24:29] Speaker B: Yeah, bring that barbell on here and.
[00:24:31] Speaker A: Break that so we have that understanding. And if I'm working on a car garage and this is getting caught on something, I don't want it damaged.
So there are rare occasions that we will take them off ourselves. However, that's the exception to the rule, and it's something that we've negotiated up front. And we know that taking it off does not mean we're angry at the other or that there's anything going on. It just means there was a good reason why it had to come off and the other one was not around to do it.
[00:25:06] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:25:09] Speaker A: Agree. Disagree.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: That's what we agreed upon.
[00:25:12] Speaker A: That's what was agreed upon.
So yeah, that's really all there is to say about collaring, I think.
I mean, collars come in every shape and size, too. I've seen people with the big leather dog collars. I've seen people with very discreet day collars chokers.
I think it's what you want it to be.
They call them collars just traditionally, and some people actually do wear a collar, but it's really just something that signifies.
[00:25:55] Speaker B: Can'T even speak because we're tired.
[00:25:57] Speaker A: Yeah, signifies the relationship.
It's a personal thing. Make it personal, make it right for you.
And I am not a fan of collaring quickly, even if you don't do the three step collar, I'm a fan of always seeing where the relationship goes.
I'm a fan of vetting, your subs and your doms a lot before collaring. But that's also because I believe collaring is a true everlasting commitment, barring any unforeseen circumstances.
We're together forever.
One, we're Christians, so when we get married, we believe that's forever. Which is why when we started having marital problems, it got ugly. It got really ugly for quite a while, but we still slept in the same bed.
Even when we were mad at each other and hurling insults at each other and just destroying each other, we still slept in the same bed. We still made that commitment that it may be bad now and it may be bad for a while, but at some point, I think inside we knew we were going to do something about it.
[00:27:31] Speaker B: We always do.
[00:27:32] Speaker A: We always do. And that's the kind of commitment we have.
Not just because of our Christian upbringing, but we love each other, and we are in love with each other.
Sometimes it's a choice, sometimes it's an emotion, sometimes it's both.
Adding the collar to our relationship just took it to that next level.
So in our eyes, collaring is a very significant and very serious act.
Not something to be taken lightly, not something you do to yourself, not something you do long distance, not something that you do after meeting someone for the first time.
It's significant. Now, I'm not downplaying all the mother things, as we said a million times, you do what's right for you. We did what was right for us.
So we wear our wedding rings, we have our collars, our bindings, and we're happy.
[00:28:39] Speaker B: And hungry.
[00:28:40] Speaker A: Happy and hungry. But at least we're not hangry.
[00:28:44] Speaker B: No, not yet.
[00:28:45] Speaker A: Not yet.
So, on that note, I think we're going to let you guys go eat your food. We're going to go get us some food and then go to bed and see what happens.
So, until next time, take care of each other, stay safe, and God bless.
[00:29:09] Speaker B: You, Sam.
