[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, everyone, I'm Jane.
[00:00:01] Speaker B: I'm kitten.
[00:00:02] Speaker A: As you know, my name is Pat. It's that time again. It's time for another episode of the Kinky Christian podcast.
All right, you got us again, people. It is time for another episode of the Kiki Christian podcast.
I am your host, Pat. I am getting my co host and my lovely wife and slave.
So we're gonna talk again. We're back talking about biblical sex, relationships, marriages, that kind of stuff.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: Family drama.
[00:00:40] Speaker A: Family and, oh, family trauma.
Yeah, it's hard to believe. We got, like, I don't know, six episodes of this now, and we're still in Genesis.
[00:00:52] Speaker B: There's a big book.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: It is. There's just a lot of stuff in Genesis, and we still haven't even gotten the law.
I know, right?
All right, so anyway, we are back. We're going to start in Genesis 29, and we're going to jump all the way down to verse 21.
[00:01:16] Speaker B: Okay, well, I'm going to keep that up there.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
This is about Jacob again.
And because Jacob marries Leah and Rachel again, multiple wives. This is probably what most of this is when I was finding it. But like I said, it's been a long time since I've read this, so forgive me if I kind of forget why I put this in here until I read it, but this one is about Jacob marrying two women.
So we're going to start at verse 21, where Jacob says to Laban, give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her. I'm sure that's not exactly how I said it, but.
No, and just something so, you know, if I remember correctly, Jacob was working for Laban for the wife. He's like, you know, Laban said, if you work for me, like, seven years or something like that, you can pick a daughter to marry.
Correct? If I remember that right. And that's why he says, my time is completed. He's worked for him seven years to marry Rachel. To marry Rachel. So he said, give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.
So he waited a long time for that. From Tangalangalang.
Wow. Good for him.
[00:02:46] Speaker B: But he loved her.
[00:02:47] Speaker A: He loved her. So Laban brought Phoebe. What are you doing?
[00:02:54] Speaker B: Hi, baby.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: Okay. No.
[00:02:58] Speaker B: Hi.
[00:03:00] Speaker A: Off.
[00:03:01] Speaker B: Okay. Off you go.
[00:03:02] Speaker A: Off. Good girl. Nope, nope.
[00:03:04] Speaker B: All the way off. There you go.
[00:03:06] Speaker A: So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah, and brought her to Jacob. And Jacob made love to her.
Not Rachel, mind you. Which is who he is supposed to get.
And Leben gave his servant zilpah to his daughter as her attendant. When morning came, there was Leah.
I like how they put that, with the exclamation point.
I like. There she was.
[00:03:42] Speaker B: Hello.
[00:03:44] Speaker A: So Jacob said to Laban, says, what is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn't I? Why have you deceived me? Laban replied, it is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Because Leah was older. Rachel was the younger one. But that's who Jacob loved.
Finish this daughter's bridal week. Then we will give you the younger one also in return for another seven years of work.
[00:04:14] Speaker B: Oh, goodness.
[00:04:15] Speaker A: Right. So he waits seven years to have sex with the woman he loves just to have sex with her sister.
And now he's got to work another seven years for the other one, right?
[00:04:29] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:04:30] Speaker A: And Jacob did. So he finished the week with Leah, and then Labam gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. Labam gave his servant Bilhah to his daughter, Rachel as her tenant. Jacob made love to. Oh, he didn't have to wait. He got her right away.
[00:04:46] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:04:47] Speaker A: Jacob made love to Rachel also. And his love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years, so at least he got to have her for the seven years that he worked.
[00:04:55] Speaker B: I think because he had already proved.
[00:04:58] Speaker A: Himself that he wasn't gonna cheat him.
[00:05:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:02] Speaker A: So give me. Give me her now and I'll stay.
[00:05:06] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:05:07] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, that was kind of nice, but kind of a douche move, man. I mean, yeah, but I get that was their custom. But you should have told him that ahead of time.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: You should have told him that ahead of time, number one. Number two, how do you not know when they're coming into your bedev?
[00:05:23] Speaker A: Well, there was a big party, first of all, and I think at the time, it was customary to, you know, keep things dark and, you know, hide yourself and. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think it was.
[00:05:34] Speaker B: We need Theo.
[00:05:35] Speaker A: Theo, you're up, man.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: So, I don't know, it just seems very weird to me, because if I was to come into our bedroom and I wasn't who I am. Who you are.
[00:05:48] Speaker A: I've been with you for 38, 940 million, 500.
[00:05:52] Speaker B: I know.
[00:05:53] Speaker A: So I know what your body is like.
[00:05:55] Speaker B: I understand that. But I guess, to me, he should have seen her face.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: But if it was covered, then you wouldn't know.
[00:06:03] Speaker B: That's just dirty pool, man.
[00:06:05] Speaker A: Yeah. And like I said, if maybe he was a little, you know.
I don't know. This is where Theo's gonna come in. Theo.
[00:06:13] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:06:15] Speaker A: We're relying on you, my friend. So is that the end of that one? That is the end of that one. So again, now, not only. This is like the first episode of Sister Wives.
[00:06:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:29] Speaker A: Right.
And it's also possible, maybe that.
[00:06:36] Speaker B: I don't think so. I think there is another one.
[00:06:38] Speaker A: Well, okay. Of sister wives. Yeah, that's very possible.
[00:06:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:43] Speaker A: But maybe Leben Laban. I don't know. I can't pronounce half the names in the Bible. But maybe he thought by the time the seven years was up, Leah had already been wedded off.
[00:06:57] Speaker B: You mean Rachel?
[00:06:58] Speaker A: No, because he wanted Rachel. He ended up with Leah first.
He worked seven years for Rachel.
[00:07:05] Speaker B: That's why he gave them to him right away.
[00:07:06] Speaker A: So maybe he's like, yeah, you can have Rachel in seven years, because by then, I'll have Leah married off and we won't have to worry about it, you know?
[00:07:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:15] Speaker A: So. But then by the time maybe when that seven years was up and Rachel wasn't married or Leah wasn't married off, he's like, ooh.
[00:07:23] Speaker B: Well, but he did say that he was a good person, right? So he wanted him married to her anyway.
[00:07:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:30] Speaker B: Okay, now we're in Genesis 30.
[00:07:31] Speaker A: Genesis 30. And we're gonna start right at the beginning.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: You wanna read this one?
[00:07:36] Speaker B: Oh, how far am I going?
[00:07:38] Speaker A: Oh, it's a longing. You don't wanna read all that? I don't know that well, and I don't even know. Cause I went, like, one through 24.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: Lord have mercy.
[00:07:46] Speaker A: There must be a lot going on in Genesis 30. All right, you want me to read? I can read it.
[00:07:50] Speaker B: I'll read it.
[00:07:54] Speaker A: Okay, so we'll see why I put this in here.
[00:07:57] Speaker B: When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, give me children or I'll die.
[00:08:07] Speaker A: Wow, that's harsh.
[00:08:09] Speaker B: Pretty aggressive. Jacob became angry with her and said, am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children? Then she said, here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I, too, can build a family through her. Hmm, that sounds very familiar.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: That's what I was saying. If you don't learn from your history, you're gonna repeat it.
[00:08:32] Speaker B: Mm hmm.
[00:08:33] Speaker A: But, I mean, that could have been the practice at the time, too.
[00:08:35] Speaker B: Could have been.
[00:08:36] Speaker A: So.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: So she gave him her servant bilhah as a wife.
[00:08:41] Speaker A: That's what I said. I was pretty sure Hagar was.
[00:08:44] Speaker B: I don't think Hagar was a wife, but I could be wrong. Anyway, Jacob slept with her, and she became pregnant and bore him a son. Of course she did. Then Rachel said, God has vindicated me. He has listened to my plea and given me a son. Because of this, she named him Daniel, Rachel's servant. Whoa. What happened? On my computer, Rachel's servant, Bill Hogg, conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. Boy, they were really having it, weren't they?
[00:09:13] Speaker A: Right.
[00:09:14] Speaker B: Then Rachel said, I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won. So she named him Naphtali.
When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife.
[00:09:30] Speaker A: Now, that's four that we're aware of.
[00:09:32] Speaker B: That we're aware of. Leah's servant zilpah bore Jacob a son. Man, they had all kinds of sons. Then Leah said, what good fortune. So she named him Gad.
Really?
[00:09:47] Speaker A: Gad means good fortune.
[00:09:48] Speaker B: Apparently, Leah's servant zilpah bore Jacob a second son. Then Leah said, how happy I am.
The women will.
Lord have mercy. The women will call me happy. So she named him Asher.
[00:10:05] Speaker A: So you get all the easy names.
What the heck?
[00:10:08] Speaker B: During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother, Leah. Rachel said to Leah, please give me some of your son's mandrakes. But she said to her, wasn't it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son's mandrakes, too? Very well. Rachel said, he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son's mandrakes. So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. You must sleep with me.
I have hired you with my son's mandrakes. So he slept with her that night.
[00:10:48] Speaker A: Oh, this is great.
[00:10:49] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:10:49] Speaker A: This is great stuff.
[00:10:50] Speaker B: God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. Then Leah said, God has rewarded me for giving my servant to my husband. So she named him Issachar.
Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a 6th son. Lord, poor Rebekah. Then Leah said, God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor because I have bore him six sons. So she named him Zebulun. Sometime later, she gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah. Then God remembered Rachel. He listened to her and enabled her to conceive she became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, God has taken away my disgrace. She named him Joseph and said, may the Lord add to me another son.
[00:11:43] Speaker A: So there you have it.
[00:11:47] Speaker B: Family drama.
[00:11:49] Speaker A: Well, but talk about crazy.
[00:11:53] Speaker B: Do I need to pay for my sexual favors?
[00:11:56] Speaker A: Do you got any mandrakes?
[00:11:58] Speaker B: I do not.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: And who are you going to pay? You got to buy me from somebody.
We don't have sister wives, which I would not want, not with dear sister.
[00:12:10] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:12:12] Speaker A: And we do not have concubines or servants that I. You know, I mean, it's like, I.
[00:12:21] Speaker B: Need to go shopping.
[00:12:22] Speaker A: And we don't have any mandrakes or woman drakes.
There are no drakes at all.
[00:12:30] Speaker B: No drinking.
[00:12:31] Speaker A: So that is some crazy stuff, though, isn't it? It was a competition. Oh, who's gonna get the most kids? And, oh, look, you have sex with her, and you marry her. And here's the odd thing.
Here's what I don't understand.
Once he marries these servants, how is it that their kids are no longer their kids? It's not like it was a servant that you're taking, but now you're taking another wife's kids to, you know, what the heck?
[00:13:06] Speaker B: Because they were the alpha wife.
[00:13:08] Speaker A: Well, but who was the alpha wife there, though? Leah was the oldest, but Rebecca was the one he loved. And then Rebecca started ticking him off, and he's like, woman, I'm done with you. And then leah. I mean, it was. Right?
[00:13:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Could you imagine? I can't even imagine being in that household.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: I mean, that was just crazy.
[00:13:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:27] Speaker A: And then these kids are going.
[00:13:31] Speaker B: Why.
[00:13:31] Speaker A: Are you fighting at all? You're like my aunt, but, yeah, my stepmom.
[00:13:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:42] Speaker A: You're my, you know, daddy's son. I don't know. It's just crazy stuff, man. Crazy.
So, are we done with this or.
[00:13:52] Speaker B: We're done with that one.
[00:13:53] Speaker A: Do you want to do another one, or. I. Well, that went pretty quick. Let's sneak in one more here. Okay, we'll do one more. So we're gonna jump down to Genesis 34.
[00:14:05] Speaker B: That one's a small one.
[00:14:07] Speaker A: It's a small one.
[00:14:07] Speaker B: Doesn't mean it's not packed full of goodies, though.
[00:14:10] Speaker A: Okay. And we're starting right at the beginning with Dinah, which, again, remember they said she had a daughter and her name was Dinah?
[00:14:17] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:14:18] Speaker A: Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah, strumming on the old banjo. Right. Anyway, so now Dinah, the daughter of the daughter Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the women of the land, whatever. I guess she just said, ladies night.
[00:14:43] Speaker B: She's working.
[00:14:44] Speaker A: Oh.
When Shechem, son of Hamor the Hivitehe, the ruler of that area, saw her, he took her and raped her.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: Oh, no. Bueno.
[00:14:53] Speaker A: Oh, no. Bueno.
His heart was drawn to Diana, daughter of Jacob.
Well, then why would you rape her?
[00:15:02] Speaker B: Right?
[00:15:05] Speaker A: He loved the young woman and spoke tenderly to her.
That makes zero sense. CNC.
[00:15:12] Speaker B: Well.
[00:15:14] Speaker A: And Shechem said to his father, Hamor, get me this girl as my wife.
When Jacob heard that his daughter Dinah had been defiled, his sons were in the fields with the livestock. So he did nothing about it until they came home. Then Shechem's father, Hamor, went out to talk with Jacob. Meanwhile, Jacob's sons had come in from the fields as soon as they heard what happened.
Oh, that was all one. As soon as they heard what happened, they came in from the fields as soon as they see. That's what happens when I don't have my glasses either.
They were shocked and furious because Shechem had done an outrageous thing in Israel by sleeping with Jacob's daughter, a thing that should not be done. So, right there, even though the law has not been given, we know you don't rape somebody. Yeah, rape back then was wrong. Rape now is wrong.
You don't rape anybody.
[00:16:19] Speaker B: It's a moral no. No.
[00:16:21] Speaker A: Yes. So, and see, it's things like this, in my opinion, that led God to give us the laws. He realized we're too stupid to do it on our own.
So I'm gonna have to, you know, give you some boundaries. You know, it's like playing football with no field. You're just out there doing whatever you want.
You know, when you french fry, when you should have pizza, you're gonna have a bad time.
[00:16:50] Speaker B: You are gonna have a bad time.
[00:16:51] Speaker A: So, yeah, so rape. No. Bueno. Don't do it. Don't think about it unless it's CNC, and that's a whole different thing. So I think we'll stop on that one now.
[00:17:04] Speaker B: I'm good with this one.
[00:17:05] Speaker A: Yeah, I think we're in a good stopping point. So hit us up. Email Kinky Christian the
[email protected] the Kinky Christian podcast on Facebook. Hit us up in the comments, like subscribe, hit the ding dong, and, yeah, until next time, take care of yourselves. Take care of each other.
[00:17:29] Speaker B: And God blessed.
