Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, everyone, I'm Jane.
[00:00:01] Speaker B: I'm kitten.
[00:00:02] Speaker A: As you know, my name is Pat. It's that time again. It's time for another episode of the Kinky Christian podcast.
All right, if you see us, then you are at the right spot. This is the.
Oh, I was gonna say something else, but it's not. It's not that one. It is not. This is the Kinky Christian podcast, and you found us right where you left us. So I'm your host, Pat, and with me, as always, hi, I'm kitten.
Hi, Kitten.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: Hi, Kitten.
[00:00:43] Speaker A: So, this episode, we want to kind of talk about the dynamics, especially when you're in a power exchange dynamic.
But it works with everything. When there is disagreement. I guess we'll call it. I don't know if it. Disagreement, conflict. Conflict, disagreement. Anyway, to give you an example. So let's say I am wanting pizza for dinner.
We're gonna use pizza.
[00:01:23] Speaker B: Sounds good.
[00:01:23] Speaker A: Okay. I want pizza for dinner. Kitten says, no, I don't want pizza. I want tacos.
But Kitten really wants tacos.
This might sound like a made up situation, but trust me, in this household, it really is not. This is so true to form with us, and I really want pizza. Well, as the master in the relationship, I say, no, we're having pizza, and then kitten is.
I don't know if I'd say upset, but now Kitten's like, man inside, she's thinking, I really wanted tacos.
And so now, as humans with emotions, we can get a little resentful. We can let some anger build up. We can start stewing. Stewing. Stewing's bad. Not Stewie.
Stewie's fun stewing.
Stewie's funny, but he starts stewing, and then this gap can start to form between you and your. Your partner.
[00:02:41] Speaker B: Animosity.
[00:02:42] Speaker A: Yep.
So. And especially now, when you're in a power exchange like us, where it's a 24/7 how does that get handled? You know? How does it get handled in a normal relationship? How should it get handled in a relationship? You know?
Because ultimately, you're wanting to respect each other.
[00:03:10] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:03:10] Speaker A: Right. I. So if I'm trying to respect you, I should not force my stuff on you.
[00:03:23] Speaker B: Nor should I.
[00:03:24] Speaker A: And there's the issue. Nor should the opposite partner try to force their stuff, you know, either way. But now we're in a power exchange relationship where I am the master and you are the slave.
[00:03:41] Speaker B: So your final decision is final.
[00:03:43] Speaker A: Right. And in a christian marriage, the husbands say is final.
[00:03:49] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:03:51] Speaker A: But that doesn't stop the couple things. It doesn't stop the emotions that get built up.
[00:03:57] Speaker B: You know, that's why you communicate.
[00:03:59] Speaker A: You do communicate, but it can still be so difficult.
And I use pizza and tacos. I mean, it's. That's kind of a very minute, loose thing. There can be some major things.
For instance, I don't think you're gonna mind if I bring this up about schooling with one of our children, if you're okay with that or no.
[00:04:28] Speaker B: Depends on how you handle it.
[00:04:30] Speaker A: No, I was just going to explain the situation.
[00:04:32] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:04:33] Speaker A: So with one of our children, we had a disagreement on whether or not they should go to preschool.
[00:04:46] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:49] Speaker A: Now you know what I'm talking about.
[00:04:50] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: So you weren't sure, were you?
[00:04:52] Speaker B: No, I wasn't sure.
[00:04:54] Speaker A: So I felt like they did not need to go to preschool, whereas kitten felt like they needed to go to preschool.
[00:05:03] Speaker B: Kitten was adamant that they needed to.
[00:05:05] Speaker A: Go to preschool, so Kitten went behind my back and registered them for preschool.
[00:05:15] Speaker B: I want to preface this yes, because we were not in a power exchange dynamic at the time.
[00:05:21] Speaker A: No. But we were still married.
[00:05:22] Speaker B: We were still married, and our marriage.
[00:05:25] Speaker A: Was still fairly new.
[00:05:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:28] Speaker A: I mean, what, maybe we had less than ten years together at this time.
[00:05:34] Speaker B: So we had a lot of learning.
[00:05:36] Speaker A: Yeah. We were still young.
[00:05:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:38] Speaker A: But just so you know, when she was younger, she was, and I say was, she is a little spitfire who, if she wants to do something, she's gonna do it. And, you know, it's like, damn, the torpedo's full speed ahead.
[00:05:59] Speaker B: Mm hmm. Yeah, that's correct.
[00:06:02] Speaker A: So when we had that, I mean, that really caused a rift for us for quite a while. It caused a lot of problems.
[00:06:09] Speaker B: He still went to school.
[00:06:10] Speaker A: Yeah. She still got her way. That's all that matters. Right.
[00:06:14] Speaker B: And it helped him. So.
[00:06:19] Speaker A: The point is.
[00:06:20] Speaker B: The point is I did a bad.
[00:06:22] Speaker A: Thing, that you're gonna have disagreements, and there are right ways and wrong ways to handle it.
And like kitten said, communicate.
[00:06:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:32] Speaker A: That's really the key to everything, is communicate properly and get to a point. It doesn't have to be a point of agreement, but at least has to get to a point of understanding.
[00:06:46] Speaker B: Yes. And we did not communicate well back then.
[00:06:51] Speaker A: That is an understatement. Yeah, it was bad.
[00:06:55] Speaker B: It was bad.
[00:06:56] Speaker A: It was bad.
But there's things that having a power exchange relationship on any level, but the higher up you go, like when you go 24/7 master slave, that's kind of, to the best of my knowledge, that's, like the pinnacle of power exchange. You don't really go much higher than that, at least to our, to our knowledge and in the circles we run in and what we do, that is like the ultimate.
So, but within that, there's different levels of still, of submission.
So you have to be mindful of what level you're at as a couple, what level of submission you're at.
And there are going to be times that, and correct me if I'm wrong, that a submissive or a slave will have to swallow their pride and suck it up and do what they're being told to do.
On the flip side of that, as a dom or a master or a husband, you can't fall into that trap of I'm the king and I'm going to rule and start taking advantage of things and just being selfish and having.
[00:08:19] Speaker B: Your own way, at least not if you are being God honoring and a respectful master.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: Correct.
So when you come into these kind of things, a lot of times, people, it's easy to fight.
Heck, yeah, you know, I want to fight.
Fight me.
[00:08:45] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:08:47] Speaker A: So it's easy to fight. It's easy. Negative emotions are easy to have. They're easy to respond to. They're easy to react on.
You got to stay away from those urges. You got to fight those urges that says, oh, it's my way, and I'm going to, you know, no matter who you are in the relationship, you have to have to have, like I said, you may not have to have agreement, but you have to have understanding.
And it's easier when, if I, like, say I'm like, we're having pizza and that's that.
It would be easier for her. And correct me if I'm wrong again, for me to say, I tell you what, how about we do pizza tonight and we'll do tacos tomorrow?
[00:09:33] Speaker B: That would go over much better than.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: Or, you know, I'm really not in the mood for tacos right now because my stomach just doesn't feel like it. And I think that would make me sick. So I'd rather just have pizza.
You know, and you talk about it and you explain. And I mean, yeah, there are some relationships where the slave wants to be just totally controlled and.
[00:09:56] Speaker B: But this is not that slave.
[00:09:58] Speaker A: No, but that is something that's agreed upon between the slave and the master, where the. It's not disrespectful for the master to take advantage of the slave because that's what the slave wants.
[00:10:09] Speaker B: Correct. Just not our dynamic.
[00:10:11] Speaker A: It's not our dynamic.
[00:10:12] Speaker B: And there's also compromise. Like, we can do both.
[00:10:17] Speaker A: We've done that we will stop and get her.
[00:10:20] Speaker B: We've done that.
[00:10:20] Speaker A: Calls on get me pizza.
[00:10:22] Speaker B: So we're both satisfied.
[00:10:24] Speaker A: Yeah, but it's still. There's gonna be times when there's.
[00:10:28] Speaker B: It's not convenient.
[00:10:30] Speaker A: Well, not just that, but there's just gonna be times where there's, like, dissension in the ranks. There's gonna be. There's gonna be hurt feelings.
[00:10:38] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:10:38] Speaker A: There's gonna be the opening for negativity to creep in and for conflict to creep in. And this is in any relationship, not just a power exchange. In any relationship, things are going to happen. Nobody is perfect.
You know what?
Yeah. Right.
So instead of always getting angry, something that really made a big difference in the way I view things is when I sat and I thought about it and, you know, we had some sermons at church about it, like, decades ago, and just all I did some, you know, just reading up on it. Anger is really just a selfish emotion.
[00:11:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:27] Speaker A: So when you get angry, the only thing that gets you angry and people disagree, but when you look at it, it really is true. The only thing that gets people angry is when something does not go the way they wanted it to go. Whatever it is, they get angry. You spill your coffee, you get angry.
Your kid gets killed in a drunk driving accident, you get angry.
You lose your job, you get angry.
You know, you stub your toe, you get angry.
So it's a selfish emotion. Now, that doesn't mean it's not justified, because there are. There is a righteous anger.
[00:12:12] Speaker B: Right?
[00:12:13] Speaker A: You know, there's a righteous anger when you're angry at something evil that is intentionally being done. I mean, that's a righteous anger.
But most of the time, it's a selfish anger.
[00:12:29] Speaker B: That's about how you handle it. You know, even when it's a righteous anger, it doesn't open the door for handling it.
[00:12:40] Speaker A: Poor behavior.
[00:12:40] Speaker B: With poor behavior, it's hard to do. I mean, that takes some practice. Yeah, practice, unfortunately.
And mindfulness.
Being very mindful of consequences of what you're going to do. Because just because someone killed your child doesn't mean that it's okay for you to go kill them as much as.
[00:13:10] Speaker A: You would like to.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: Yeah, it's not okay. And there will be consequences for that type of behavior that's kind of on the harsh end.
[00:13:21] Speaker A: But it is. It is. But I mean, every example is the same, right? Poor behavior on someone else's part does not justify poor behavior on yours.
[00:13:31] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:13:32] Speaker A: Poor behavior is poor behavior no matter what and should always be unacceptable.
[00:13:36] Speaker B: Agreed.
[00:13:37] Speaker A: So, yeah, when you're in a relationship, especially a power exchange one.
A good relationship starts and ends with good communication in between. There.
It's a lot of selflessness if you're putting the desires and the needs of your significant other ahead of your own, and both of you are doing it.
It's a beautiful thing.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: Both your needs are being met.
[00:14:18] Speaker A: Yeah, if making her happy makes me happy, which it does, then, you know, scrubbing a toilet, which I hate doing. That was when we got together. That was my one rule. I said, look, I will cut the grass, I will seal the driveway, I'll roof the house, I'll, heck, I'll paint your toenails, I don't care. I will not scrub toilets.
That went out the window pretty quick.
[00:14:45] Speaker B: So what happens when someone ends up in the hospital? Yeah, so toilets need scrubbed.
[00:14:51] Speaker A: But you see where we're going with this. You know, selflessness is the key to surviving in any relationship, whether it be a friendship, marriage, you know, parent, child, siblings.
And just because the person you're in the relationship with is not being selfless and not performing the way you think they should be performing, again, does not.
[00:15:22] Speaker B: Performing well, you know, behaving.
[00:15:24] Speaker A: Behaving. Thank you. That's a much better word.
[00:15:26] Speaker B: That is a much better word.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: It does not constitute or justify you to act differently. Your actions say who you are and only you.
Their actions say who they are. If you start acting like them, then you're no better than what you dislike in them.
So that's our little spiel on how to deal with things.
[00:15:55] Speaker B: Conflict.
[00:15:56] Speaker A: Well, it's conflict, but it's also bad emotions, you know, because there are going to be times that as a master, I do things that I personally don't want to do for the benefit of my slave.
I do it for the benefit of my children or my friends or, you know, my siblings.
That's how God wants us to live. And there are going to be times that she, as a slave, will do things that she does not want to do.
And it only benefits the relationship in yourself when you do that.
[00:16:42] Speaker B: And there's also the respect aspect of it.
Like, when I want something specifically a certain way, and you know, that it's not going to be a positive thing for our marriage or our dynamic or even in God's eyes, because I'm not sure, then you step up and I have to accept that. I mean, we will talk about it for sure because I'm sure I'll push back, because that's when. I don't know.
[00:17:16] Speaker A: But is it pushing back or is it questioning?
[00:17:19] Speaker B: It's questioning. Yeah.
[00:17:21] Speaker A: You know.
[00:17:23] Speaker B: Yeah, it's more questioning. And so you, as the master and as my husband, are always doing your best to make sure that what we're doing is in line with what God wants and that it's for the betterment of our relationship. So.
[00:17:41] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:17:42] Speaker B: Sometimes I just have to get there.
[00:17:45] Speaker A: Well, and there are a lot of times that what God says and how God asks us to live conflicts with, as humans, we want certain things.
[00:17:59] Speaker B: Right.
[00:18:00] Speaker A: And I'm gonna send my. My kid to preschool no matter what.
[00:18:09] Speaker B: Disrespectful.
[00:18:11] Speaker A: Well, and that's what it comes down to is it's very disrespectful to God to be an Ala Carte Christian.
[00:18:17] Speaker B: Right.
[00:18:18] Speaker A: You know, oh, this lines up with what I want, and this lines up with what I want, and this lines up with what I want. So I'll follow those aspects of Christianity, but this doesn't line up with what I want or what I think or what I feel. And this doesn't line up with what I want, what I think, or what. What I feel. So I'm going to ignore them and I'm going to say, God loves me anyway and he forgives all sins, and I'm just going to set that aside. You know, and I worship a loving God, so how could he hate me if I'm doing this and it's not for us to choose?
You know, there are a lot of things that are set in there that you look at and you're going to want to push back on.
And, I mean, it's okay to question God, understand? And it's okay not to follow God, just understand there's consequences for every decision and every action that you make.
So he set forth guidelines for us to live our best life. And yes, he knows that we will fall short, which is why he sent Jesus to die for us, too. So we could have that gap bridged and have that grace and the mercy and the forgiveness.
But like Jesus, I got bored and went shopping on Amazon again. Now usually. What the heck was that?
[00:19:44] Speaker B: It was this.
[00:19:48] Speaker A: Somebody's talking to us through headphones. We're not even wearing goddess.
[00:19:54] Speaker B: That was weird. What do you think he's talking about Amazon? Oh, no, it is Amazon prime day.
[00:20:01] Speaker A: Prime days. Yes. So maybe. Maybe God shops on Amazon.
[00:20:05] Speaker B: Hey, he might. Maybe we should just send a blessing here and send the blessing.
[00:20:11] Speaker A: I forgot what I was even saying.
[00:20:13] Speaker B: I don't know. That's okay.
We're in a good spot.
[00:20:18] Speaker A: Yeah, but I don't remember now, there was something. There was a point I was trying to make.
[00:20:26] Speaker B: Boy, getting old sucks.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: Well, God interrupted, and I'm, like, talking about Amazon. So now I'm thinking, man, do I need to get online? Is there a deal I'm missing?
You know?
[00:20:36] Speaker B: No, I think I took care of it.
[00:20:37] Speaker A: Okay. You got them all done?
[00:20:38] Speaker B: Yeah, I think we're good.
That was weird.
[00:20:44] Speaker A: Oh, I know where I was going.
[00:20:45] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:20:45] Speaker A: I was gonna talk about Jesus, so.
[00:20:48] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, yeah. He's important.
[00:20:50] Speaker A: He's very important. So one of my. Probably my all time favorite little thing in the Bible is where the lady was caught in adultery and the Pharisees was trying to trap Jesus, because in the Old Testament, it says that she should be stoned to death. And Jesus was always preaching love. So they brought her to Jesus and said, hey, we caught her in the act of adultery.
We're supposed to stone her. What do you say?
And Jesus, this is where it's so cool, because Jesus always was throwing people off.
He said that he who is without sin cast the first stone, which that right there tells us, hey, we're all sinners. We all fall short. And we shouldn't be pointing out the sin in others. We should worry about ourselves. And that's usually where people stop that story.
[00:21:49] Speaker B: Yeah, usually.
[00:21:51] Speaker A: Because that's the point everyone else wants to make.
I like it. Cause when it goes on, what does jesus do?
He kneels down to the woman as she's crying at his feet and says, look around. Where are those who would convict and accuse you? And she looks around, and she doesn't see anyone. And she says, there's no one here.
They're all gone. And he says, I don't convict you either.
Now go and sin no more.
That's perfect love. That is. You know, that's how we should live our lives. Jesus knows what we did wrong. He knows what she did wrong.
He told everyone else who was trying to convict her. Hey, look at yourself. Deal with yourself.
And then he tells the girl, go and sin no more.
That's what we should be doing.
So anyway, I rant, you do so. Poor behavior.
[00:23:09] Speaker B: Not okay.
[00:23:09] Speaker A: Not okay.
Work it out.
[00:23:12] Speaker B: Communicate.
[00:23:13] Speaker A: Communicate. Sometimes you got to suck it up both on both ends of the. Both sides of the slash, you know, husband, wife, dom, sub master slave, whatever you want to call yourself. Top, bottom, top, bottom.
Don't take advantage of each other, especially on the Dom side.
But believe it or not, subs can take advantage of doms.
It is a perfect two way street between husband, wife, dum, sub. Everything goes both ways.
So communicate respect. Don't, you know, do anything that's gonna cause harm to the relationship.
[00:23:55] Speaker B: Agreed?
[00:23:55] Speaker A: Agreed.
[00:23:56] Speaker B: Agreed.
[00:23:57] Speaker A: So that's what we got for you today.
I think I said all I need to say. You good?
[00:24:04] Speaker B: I'm good.
[00:24:04] Speaker A: Okay. So until next time, take care of yourselves. Take care of each other.
[00:24:07] Speaker B: And God blessed.
[00:24:34] Speaker A: Hey, God.
God. We're sitting here doing an episode, and all of a sudden, God comes through the speakers about Amazon.
Yeah, that was my badlandhouse.
[00:24:48] Speaker B: Freaked us out a little bit.
[00:24:50] Speaker A: I thought it was your mom's phone.
So you need to get this up and going. I will have to edit that out. No, we talked about it. That's funny.
